Mantra of today: I am human, therefore I err. To not make mistakes is to be inhuman.
All this time, I thought I needed to be perfect.
Then the truth hits me - Nobody is perfect!
No wonder I have felt so disjointed from the rest of the world. I have been trying so hard to become something I can never be - only adding to my sense of failure.
Today, however, I am sitting in the sun, and I realize (like a light bulb on the top of my head just blew!) - I have to accept that to be human means I make mistakes.
My character is not defined by "never" making mistakes; rather, it is determined by how I resolve the mistakes that have been made. Yet, before I can resolve them, I must accept them.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
"Heightened Neurosis"
[As I research for a paper... I find this description of my current experience. I hope it helps my friends understand better my experience.]
(paraphrased)
In the process of developing emotional tolerance and coming to a more de-centered relationship with emotions, there can be a disturbance, or a worsening of distress.
Chodron (2001) describes the feelings distress and dread as an indication that the old patterns are loosening. As one gives up old ways of coping and looks more closely at disturbing emotions and habits, one begins to understand their hold, how they play out, and theirroots.
This process brings a period of increased distress that Buddhist have long acknowledged and called "heightened neurosis."
Studies of those who have experienced dramatic and positive life changes suggest that there is a similar period of disturbance before these types of transitions.
As with trauma work, it is essential that the client have the resources to tolerate this difficult process.
The most disturbing and feared view of self, which most often involves themes of defectiveness, undesirability, worthlessness, and failure.
(paraphrased)
In the process of developing emotional tolerance and coming to a more de-centered relationship with emotions, there can be a disturbance, or a worsening of distress.
Chodron (2001) describes the feelings distress and dread as an indication that the old patterns are loosening. As one gives up old ways of coping and looks more closely at disturbing emotions and habits, one begins to understand their hold, how they play out, and theirroots.
This process brings a period of increased distress that Buddhist have long acknowledged and called "heightened neurosis."
Studies of those who have experienced dramatic and positive life changes suggest that there is a similar period of disturbance before these types of transitions.
As with trauma work, it is essential that the client have the resources to tolerate this difficult process.
The most disturbing and feared view of self, which most often involves themes of defectiveness, undesirability, worthlessness, and failure.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Struggling...
I struggle with writing.
I know this.
Yet I am in an academic program that requires I produce substantial amounts of writing.
Failing to do so means that I cannot graduate.
I am ready to graduate.
Yet, my struggle has led me to remain another year within this program.
Sigh.
I know this.
Yet I am in an academic program that requires I produce substantial amounts of writing.
Failing to do so means that I cannot graduate.
I am ready to graduate.
Yet, my struggle has led me to remain another year within this program.
Sigh.
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