The Light @ The End of The Tunnel

Hope that the light symbolizes the end, but prepare yourself should it be instead the light from an oncoming train.

Know Who I Am

This past week was an interesting one for me.
I have had a few triumphs and a few stagnation points.
Yet, through it all, I felt rather weepy.
Before I ascribe it to simply hormones (and it could simply be hormones), I want to ask myself if there is something I am just not permitting myself to see or to accept.
The truth is that I have worked very hard these past few years towards developing my sense of self and with it the confidence.
While my thin veneer of confidence is now bolstered by a real sense of worth, there still is a little doughnut-hole filled with air.
Yes, deep inside, there is a nugget of emptiness.
Though before it was easy to pierce through my veneer and enter this space, it is much harder now.
But here I am... feeling it. Feeling that void.

My mantra... "Just trust myself."

Don't Forget to Breathe

"So don't forget to breathe
Don't forget to breathe
Your whole life is here
No eleventh hour reprieve
So don't forget to breathe"

This past year, I learned an important lesson.
Life is to be lived in the moment (not for the moment) - a moment that can last as long as a breath (perhaps, even a moment shorter than it takes for one to complete a breath).
In that moment, a lot can happen.
And each moment floats into the next.
Don't get caught up in the past - simply acknowledge how it's brought you to this moment.
Don't fret about the future - recognize you have choices within the moment to take you where you need to go.
Yet, where you end up - in that moment, there is always something... it may not be what you expected but when you step back and appreciate that moment for what it is, you might find it is exactly what it has to be.

Forgive the ramble - that's how these thoughts presented themselves to me and I wrote them down "freehand"

Be Yourself

"even when you've paid enough
been put upon or been held up
with every single memory of
the good or bad, faces of luck
don't lose any sleep tonight
i'm sure everything will end up alright
you may win or lose"

-Be Yourself, Audioslave-

Every day is proving to be a learning experience - learning about myself, the people that surround me and the human race in general.
The most important thing I am learning is who I am, truly.
And the most important practice during this time (and I know for the future) is the acceptance of this which I discover of myself and to simply "be myself."




[Not that I follow much of the zodiac and personality etc. ... but this definition of my cusp is oddly true]

Awareness of Pleasant Events - Day FOUR

As part of a mindfulness project,

I am suppose to note when a pleasant event or experience occurs, focus my awareness on the event while it is happening, and record it.

DAY FOUR (Friday, October 10 2009):

Q. What was the pleasant event?
A. Listening to a live performance of Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings" by the Philadelphia Orchestra

Q. Describe what you noticed while the pleasant event was occurring.

How did your body feel? What mental events, thoughts, and emotions did your notice?
A. My body was overcome with the rawness of realizing I was hearing this piece live.
A. Mentally, my mind was taken over with gratitude by the fact that I was able to hear this piece live.
A. Emotionally, I was moved to tears.

The reality is... this is my experience of the piece. I cannot truly put into words. So experience it for yourself...

Awareness of Pleasant Events - Day THREE

As part of a mindfulness project,

I am suppose to note when a pleasant event or experience occurs, focus my awareness on the event while it is happening, and record it.

DAY THREE (Friday, October 09 2009):

Q. What was the pleasant event?
A. Realizing the concern the members of my committee have for my future career and making the effort to help me realize my dream.

Q. Describe what you noticed while the pleasant event was occurring.

How did your body feel? What mental events, thoughts, and emotions did your notice?
A. Body was relaxed throughout, but at the end of the meeting, it was filled with warmth.
A. Mentally, I was reminding myself that my committee members were conversing out of concern for me and the hard questions they were asking were for them to ascertain how they can be of assistance to me.
A. Emotional, it felt good to know that I was cared for in such a manner.

How to Discover New Music (I.E. Pandora)

Yes, this is a how-to for people interested in discovering new music. 

1. Pandora Music - Access this website
   
2. Type in the name of a band OR a song that you know you like 
   
3. Wait (Patience is KEY)
   
4. The first song is usually by the band you requested (or the band that played the song requested)
   
5. Pay Attention to the next couple of songs they play
   

... And every now and then, you key in a band/song and you are greeted by 5 songs you've heard before and are happy to hear again... 

... And other times, you hear rare songs from the band, which suddenly becomes more your favorite than that radio-overplayed single that introduced you to the band in the first place ...

So go ahead, discover new music - all by yourself!

*tongue-in-cheek*