Say a prayer for me
Help me to feel the strength I did
My Identity
Has it been taken
Is my heart breaking on me


These past few days... something has been amiss with me, and I could not put a finger on it
But a conversation with a "twin" - it helped me realize exactly what it was
A part of me that I have not been in touch with for a long time - a part that I know exists, and may never leave me
It is a reminder that I lead my own life, and how I perceive it - well it's my own head ... 
I have always needed something that makes it feel its all worthwhile 
And sitting here, alone, writing this... I cannot believe I am here
Right now

The Crimson Tide

The other day, the girls and I were talking about something we all have in common...

Every month - we all suffer - yes... for a few days, we all become some form of "crazy"

For me, I am only NOW beginning to realize how needy I feel around this time -

I want to be comforted, cared about, loved... I cannot describe how this needs to be or what one would have to do to not make me a cranky 2-year old

All I know is that it sucks.

Gratitude

I am grateful. I am loved.

I believe I can achieve anything I put my mind towards achieving.

I will complete my dissertation, and defend it to graduate with my PhD.

I will get approval to sit for the clinical licensing exam, take it and be awarded my clinical license to practice.

I will find a home that will be comfortable for my loved ones, and their loved ones.

I will find a job, not immediately, but one that will have me use my talents towards helping others for that is what makes me happy.

I will... because I know I can.

Not Writing

How sad that I have not written much for months...

How sad that I forget having this outlet...

How sad, how sad, how sad

Done crying - wiped my tears - moving on...

I am just going to start writing - at random - thoughts, feelings, observations again... not needing to be pithy, witty or caring about being intimidating

Take it or leave it - if you like it, you do; if you do not like it, you don't.

Intimidating

one week, three instances

Intimidating

no one wants to be intimidating - at least, not I

the ingredients for this recipe apparently are
confidence
competence
intelligence
attractiveness

toss that salad and sprinkle on a dressing of another person's perspective

the truth is, when I eat it

the taste is familiar - it is true

I am intimidating

but not for lack of trying to be anything but

and the more I try to escape this notion - the more ridiculous I feel I become

I may not say much
Nor have to do much
I only know that it is as much in the power of the other person to approach me
- to be willing to expose themselves
for one to discover who I am

even if it ends up being "intimidating"

Pithy and Witty

Pithy, Witty Puns and Statements
are only food for the avid mind

When tired
they prove nonsensical
a tease
the fun lost

Reflections

A lot has happened.

I have previewed these pages, and the words all still ring true. I believe in these words of mine, but I'll be honest, I have not always been able to put them to practice - I have not always been able to test myself.

I want to make the quick excuse - I am human, and suffer from human frailties. But that's not the truth. The truth is I ask a lot of myself - sometimes, more than I can deliver, and I end up only disappointing myself.

My voice always rings true, but I am not always able to give it strength. My fears do get the better of me. So, here sits the truth...

I am a good person, but more often than not, I see my bad - I tell myself that I do so to know what I need to change, but the reality is that it is scary - it is scary to see my light
I do not want to be held accountable to it, I do not want to always be subject to its standards - for it is a glorious light
The reality is that there is nothing to change - but it would make me feel without purpose, and without that - what is meaning... I feel so lost.

But life is not a dog and pony show. I am not here to perform tricks - to entertain... not even to simply satisfy myself.

Yet, if you were to tell me I was bad, my heart of hearts know its not the TRUTH.

This is pure rambling, at best, but what I really want to say is HEAR ME.