"Encounter in human beings is always to a greater or lesser extent anxiety-creating as well as joy-creating. I think these effects arise out of the fact that genuine encounter with another person always shakes our self-world relationship: our comfortable temporary security of the moment before is thrown into question, we are opened, made tentative for an instant - shall we risk ourselves, take the chance to be enriched by this new relationship (and even if it is a friend or loved one of long standing, this particular moment of a relationship is still new) or shall we brace ourselves, throw up a stockade, block out the other person and miss the nuances of his perceptions, feelings, intentions?" - The Discovery of Being, p. 22 -
And the question is - why the anxiety? or fear?
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Think, Don't Overthink
"The Buddha generally presented himself as more physician than metaphysician: if an arrow is sticking out of your side, he famously said, don’t argue about where it came from or who made it; just pull it out. You make your way to happiness not by fretting about it or trafficking in New Age affirmations, but simply by finding the cause of your suffering, and then attending to it, as any doctor (of mind or body) might do." - New York Times, July 22, 2009 -
The previous night, I went to my father with a predicament. Over the past two years, through dialogue with a supervisor (BE) and sitting in silence, I have come to the realization that my problems all stemmed from one thought (two actually, but they went hand in hand) - "I am unworthy of being loved, and incapable of showing love." Along with this revelation, I added, "What do I do now?" My father's reply was simple - "Don't over-think it."
Of course, that was insufficient for me; I needed more - what did he mean? how does one not over-think? Then, he echoed something JG (another much older, influential character in my life) always told me, "Accept the good that comes your way, and sit with it. Do not question, mis-trust or doubt it." And, I decided my plan for the next day - sit with the thought of being someone loved; sit with the thought of being someone who is loving. It was painful. Memories arose along with their accompanying emotions (sadness, anger, hurt, envy), and I felt the tears stream, the ache in my body, the slump in my once-erect posture. I sat back up, and somewhere I heard, "Why does thinking about this bring up painful memories? Why are we not looking for the good memories? Are we not being a little biased here?" So, here starts my journey - Looking at every side of the story, and not over-thinking it.
The previous night, I went to my father with a predicament. Over the past two years, through dialogue with a supervisor (BE) and sitting in silence, I have come to the realization that my problems all stemmed from one thought (two actually, but they went hand in hand) - "I am unworthy of being loved, and incapable of showing love." Along with this revelation, I added, "What do I do now?" My father's reply was simple - "Don't over-think it."
Of course, that was insufficient for me; I needed more - what did he mean? how does one not over-think? Then, he echoed something JG (another much older, influential character in my life) always told me, "Accept the good that comes your way, and sit with it. Do not question, mis-trust or doubt it." And, I decided my plan for the next day - sit with the thought of being someone loved; sit with the thought of being someone who is loving. It was painful. Memories arose along with their accompanying emotions (sadness, anger, hurt, envy), and I felt the tears stream, the ache in my body, the slump in my once-erect posture. I sat back up, and somewhere I heard, "Why does thinking about this bring up painful memories? Why are we not looking for the good memories? Are we not being a little biased here?" So, here starts my journey - Looking at every side of the story, and not over-thinking it.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Bhāvanā (Meditation) - The Beginning
The mis-understanding of meditation: "The moment the word 'meditation' is mentioned, one thinks of an escape from the daily activities of life; assuming a particular posture, like a statue in some cave or cell in a monastery, in some remote place cut off from society; and musing on, or being absorbed in, some kind of mystic or mysterious thought or trance." - What the Buddha Thought, p. 67 -
Meditation is anything but an escape for me. Because, my mind has a habit - it has to feel like it's doing something, anything. In silence, my mind is like a three year old curious about the world, not being able to stay still for a moment's breath. In short, it's hard sitting in silence - every moment is spent watching something arise in my mind and gradually nudging it back to my breath. As for the thoughts and emotions that arise, they are not necessarily ones I would like to sit with alone in silence. Yet, for now, I am simply bringing it back to my breath. This is the stage of practice I am at - the beginning.
Meditation is anything but an escape for me. Because, my mind has a habit - it has to feel like it's doing something, anything. In silence, my mind is like a three year old curious about the world, not being able to stay still for a moment's breath. In short, it's hard sitting in silence - every moment is spent watching something arise in my mind and gradually nudging it back to my breath. As for the thoughts and emotions that arise, they are not necessarily ones I would like to sit with alone in silence. Yet, for now, I am simply bringing it back to my breath. This is the stage of practice I am at - the beginning.
Friday, July 24, 2009
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