1. Know thyself
2. Be honest, or as Shakespeare put it, to thine own self be true
3. Have the courage to face things about yourself you do not like
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Compassion
"Compassion accepts others as they are. One who thoroughly realizes compassion no longer sees any separation between self and others. Compassion is the wholesome and spontaneous response to all situations."
- Tarthang Tulku
(1) Accepting others as they are.
Even if...
Their thoughts, emotions, or actions "affect" you.
It does not matter to me if you share a difference in your ideas/beliefs/convictions about how to think, emote or act from me - that is much easier than when your difference personally affects me - yet, it is those moments when such differences take on a personal tone that I have to remind myself to accept you as you are... while acknowledging the reasons for their affect on me
(2) No longer see separation between self and others.
Even if...
Their presence causes you to "recoil"
It is easy when your presence appears symbiotic to mine - it is not as easy when it appears that we wish to push away from each other - yet, it is those moments that I have to remind myself that you are like me at heart, and that we are one and same - your actions speak to my actions, and vice versa (your emotions result from my emotions and bring about my emotions that cause your emotions... this idea explained in many different ways - speaks to the inter-dependant nature of things). Compassion allows to see this connection between you and I.
(3) A wholesome and spontaneous response
Even if...
Other emotions are present that call for another response.
Compassion for both myself and you - is easy when other emotions are not present asking to be expressed in responses that appear non-compassionate. Compassion is strong.
These words are easily spoken. But hard to follow, hard to envision and therefore embody.
- Tarthang Tulku
(1) Accepting others as they are.
Even if...
Their thoughts, emotions, or actions "affect" you.
It does not matter to me if you share a difference in your ideas/beliefs/convictions about how to think, emote or act from me - that is much easier than when your difference personally affects me - yet, it is those moments when such differences take on a personal tone that I have to remind myself to accept you as you are... while acknowledging the reasons for their affect on me
(2) No longer see separation between self and others.
Even if...
Their presence causes you to "recoil"
It is easy when your presence appears symbiotic to mine - it is not as easy when it appears that we wish to push away from each other - yet, it is those moments that I have to remind myself that you are like me at heart, and that we are one and same - your actions speak to my actions, and vice versa (your emotions result from my emotions and bring about my emotions that cause your emotions... this idea explained in many different ways - speaks to the inter-dependant nature of things). Compassion allows to see this connection between you and I.
(3) A wholesome and spontaneous response
Even if...
Other emotions are present that call for another response.
Compassion for both myself and you - is easy when other emotions are not present asking to be expressed in responses that appear non-compassionate. Compassion is strong.
These words are easily spoken. But hard to follow, hard to envision and therefore embody.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Anger - A Peace Treaty (Thich Nhat Hanh)
When I am angry, I agree to:
1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.
2. Not suppress my anger.
3. Practice mindful breathing and go back to myself to take care of my anger.
4. Calmly, within twenty-four hours, tell you about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by delivering a Peace Note.
5. Ask for an appointment later in the week, like Friday evening, either verbally or by note, to discuss this matter more thoroughly.
6. Not say: 'I am not angry, it's okay, I am not suffering. There is nothing to be angry about.'
7. Look deeply into my daily life, while sitting, walking, lying down, working, etc. in order to see:
The ways that I myself, have been unskillful at times.
How I have hurt you because of my own habit energy.
How the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger.
How you are only the secondary cause.
How you are only seeking relief from your suffering.
That as long as you are unhappy, I cannot be truly happy.
8. Apologize immediately, without waiting for the Friday appointment, as soon as I recognize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness.
9. Postpone the Friday meeting if I do not feel calm enough to meet with you.
When you are angry, I agree to:
1. Respect your feelings, and not ridicule you and allow enough time for you to calm down.
2. Not press for an immediate discussion.
3. Confirm your request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure you that I will be there.
4. If I can apologize, do so right away and not wait until Friday evening.
5. Practice mindful breathing and deep looking to see how:
I have seeds of anger and unkindness as well as the habit energy, which make you unhappy.
I have mistakenly thought that making you suffer would relieve my own suffering.
By making you suffer, I make myself suffer.
6. Apologize as soon as I realize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself and without waiting for the Friday meeting.
Thank you Safron - You are a phoenix.
K.
1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.
2. Not suppress my anger.
3. Practice mindful breathing and go back to myself to take care of my anger.
4. Calmly, within twenty-four hours, tell you about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by delivering a Peace Note.
5. Ask for an appointment later in the week, like Friday evening, either verbally or by note, to discuss this matter more thoroughly.
6. Not say: 'I am not angry, it's okay, I am not suffering. There is nothing to be angry about.'
7. Look deeply into my daily life, while sitting, walking, lying down, working, etc. in order to see:
The ways that I myself, have been unskillful at times.
How I have hurt you because of my own habit energy.
How the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger.
How you are only the secondary cause.
How you are only seeking relief from your suffering.
That as long as you are unhappy, I cannot be truly happy.
8. Apologize immediately, without waiting for the Friday appointment, as soon as I recognize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness.
9. Postpone the Friday meeting if I do not feel calm enough to meet with you.
When you are angry, I agree to:
1. Respect your feelings, and not ridicule you and allow enough time for you to calm down.
2. Not press for an immediate discussion.
3. Confirm your request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure you that I will be there.
4. If I can apologize, do so right away and not wait until Friday evening.
5. Practice mindful breathing and deep looking to see how:
I have seeds of anger and unkindness as well as the habit energy, which make you unhappy.
I have mistakenly thought that making you suffer would relieve my own suffering.
By making you suffer, I make myself suffer.
6. Apologize as soon as I realize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself and without waiting for the Friday meeting.
Thank you Safron - You are a phoenix.
K.
Mindfulness Meditation - Facing the Truth
Mindfulness meditation. It is advertised as one path to bliss.
On the outset, it is described as training the mind's attentive ability for the experience of that moment(e.g., conversation, environment, etc.). Those who take a mindfulness-based stress management course (usually lasts 6-8 weeks) hope to learn skills to more effectively manage their anxiety and reduce their frustrations with stressors. During those weeks, participants practice attending to the moment. With continue practice, they learn to attend to their actions that enables an awareness of the emotions and thoughts that guide these actions. They learn how these emotions and thoughts can be transitory, and subsequently realize they they have the ability to choose to consciously (not) act from them as oppose to being on "auto-pilot." Most people who stay through the program, and fulfill their commitments towards a daily practice of mindfulness meditation, often leave with a renewed sense for life.
However, mindfulness meditation is not simply a cure-all. It is a mechanism for confrontation. With continued practice, we begin to attend to deeper levels of our being - older emotions and more primordial thoughts - all buried from a time we may have long forgotten (or are choosing to not remember). Soon, we enter a cycle - a cycle of confrontation.
My first battle was to dispel the belief that I cannot tolerate my emotions, which felt (and still does) very intense and visceral. I realize my fear was not only that I could not tolerate my emotions, but that I will "fall apart," and that will alienate me from others. My fear of being alone did not allow me to accept my experience of my emotions as they were known to me - so I had become disconnected to myself and felt so very lost. Mindfulness meditation made me confront this fear(s) - it required that I tolerate the emotions, and come to observe its need to flow through me for it to reveal its transient nature. I walked out that battle knowing that my emotions are me, and that while I am discomforted by the intensity, I cannot deny them.
My second battle was to dispel the notion that I am "bad." An incident with a friend triggered me to "shut down" - an instinctive and protective mechanism by which I withdraw into myself and tend to my emotional and mental wounds. My friend did not know what to make of my response, and had to wait the few hours for me to eventually reveal what had happened. However, the practice of mindfulness meditation made me realize that I had to attend to this idea - to see it for what it is, and not what I have made it out to be. Viscerally, I could feel the fear and pain coursing through me. I knew I had to attend to it, and comfort myself through the process. I also learned that it is not for wanting people to help me, but that the only help they can truly offer is support - a presence. A presence with space. I walked out of that battle recognizing that no one has the ability to make me "bad" - only I hold that key. With time, I confronted the varied expectations I had placed on myself, and only asked that I take myself as I am - to work with that which is true about me and to simply trust myself.
My third battle was to acknowledge the pain of loneliness, and discard the armor (i.e. the guard of illusions) I had created to protect myself from that pain. I was angry with myself - angry that I had operated under this false notion that I was an "open" person only to realize that I was not for fear of being alone. Something deep within me provided comfort and asked that I accept solitude. My mind created an image of this armor. During meditation, I visualized taking it off leaving my skin raw and bare - acknowledging the pain of loss of something "known." It is difficult to explain what took its place, but for days after, I was gelatinous inside. I walked away from that battle coming to terms with my delicate nature, and embracing it as me.
Now, today as I write this, I am on my fourth battle. I have learned from the last three experiences - resistance is futile. It only makes it more painful. So when my heart sank in-wards, I knew I had to prepare to face my next truth. Many hours of sitting and attending to my sitting resulted in one revelation - I am angry. Years of anger and resentment are boiling up in me. But as quickly as the truth of my pain was revealed, the balm to alleviate it surfaced. Compassion and Forgiveness. Now, I sit facing the many sources of my anger - person, place, moment in time - and I practice offering compassion and forgiveness both to that source and myself. Anger is a part of me, but now I need to let go of it in a sincere and meaningful way.
As my teacher tells me, this will not end. It is a cycle - once you are on this path, either you see it all the way to its end or you accept you need to jump of it. I may say that I wish I did not practice, but that would be a lie. The gift at the end of each battle, I am closer to myself. I come to know myself in a more honest way, and accepting myself as I am truly gives me peace. So, I choose this journey with full knowledge that I will encounter this time and time again. However, I am beginning to appreciate that I will only grow stronger with each encounter.
On the outset, it is described as training the mind's attentive ability for the experience of that moment(e.g., conversation, environment, etc.). Those who take a mindfulness-based stress management course (usually lasts 6-8 weeks) hope to learn skills to more effectively manage their anxiety and reduce their frustrations with stressors. During those weeks, participants practice attending to the moment. With continue practice, they learn to attend to their actions that enables an awareness of the emotions and thoughts that guide these actions. They learn how these emotions and thoughts can be transitory, and subsequently realize they they have the ability to choose to consciously (not) act from them as oppose to being on "auto-pilot." Most people who stay through the program, and fulfill their commitments towards a daily practice of mindfulness meditation, often leave with a renewed sense for life.
However, mindfulness meditation is not simply a cure-all. It is a mechanism for confrontation. With continued practice, we begin to attend to deeper levels of our being - older emotions and more primordial thoughts - all buried from a time we may have long forgotten (or are choosing to not remember). Soon, we enter a cycle - a cycle of confrontation.
My first battle was to dispel the belief that I cannot tolerate my emotions, which felt (and still does) very intense and visceral. I realize my fear was not only that I could not tolerate my emotions, but that I will "fall apart," and that will alienate me from others. My fear of being alone did not allow me to accept my experience of my emotions as they were known to me - so I had become disconnected to myself and felt so very lost. Mindfulness meditation made me confront this fear(s) - it required that I tolerate the emotions, and come to observe its need to flow through me for it to reveal its transient nature. I walked out that battle knowing that my emotions are me, and that while I am discomforted by the intensity, I cannot deny them.
My second battle was to dispel the notion that I am "bad." An incident with a friend triggered me to "shut down" - an instinctive and protective mechanism by which I withdraw into myself and tend to my emotional and mental wounds. My friend did not know what to make of my response, and had to wait the few hours for me to eventually reveal what had happened. However, the practice of mindfulness meditation made me realize that I had to attend to this idea - to see it for what it is, and not what I have made it out to be. Viscerally, I could feel the fear and pain coursing through me. I knew I had to attend to it, and comfort myself through the process. I also learned that it is not for wanting people to help me, but that the only help they can truly offer is support - a presence. A presence with space. I walked out of that battle recognizing that no one has the ability to make me "bad" - only I hold that key. With time, I confronted the varied expectations I had placed on myself, and only asked that I take myself as I am - to work with that which is true about me and to simply trust myself.
My third battle was to acknowledge the pain of loneliness, and discard the armor (i.e. the guard of illusions) I had created to protect myself from that pain. I was angry with myself - angry that I had operated under this false notion that I was an "open" person only to realize that I was not for fear of being alone. Something deep within me provided comfort and asked that I accept solitude. My mind created an image of this armor. During meditation, I visualized taking it off leaving my skin raw and bare - acknowledging the pain of loss of something "known." It is difficult to explain what took its place, but for days after, I was gelatinous inside. I walked away from that battle coming to terms with my delicate nature, and embracing it as me.
Now, today as I write this, I am on my fourth battle. I have learned from the last three experiences - resistance is futile. It only makes it more painful. So when my heart sank in-wards, I knew I had to prepare to face my next truth. Many hours of sitting and attending to my sitting resulted in one revelation - I am angry. Years of anger and resentment are boiling up in me. But as quickly as the truth of my pain was revealed, the balm to alleviate it surfaced. Compassion and Forgiveness. Now, I sit facing the many sources of my anger - person, place, moment in time - and I practice offering compassion and forgiveness both to that source and myself. Anger is a part of me, but now I need to let go of it in a sincere and meaningful way.
As my teacher tells me, this will not end. It is a cycle - once you are on this path, either you see it all the way to its end or you accept you need to jump of it. I may say that I wish I did not practice, but that would be a lie. The gift at the end of each battle, I am closer to myself. I come to know myself in a more honest way, and accepting myself as I am truly gives me peace. So, I choose this journey with full knowledge that I will encounter this time and time again. However, I am beginning to appreciate that I will only grow stronger with each encounter.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Risks
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach for another is to risk involvement
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To believe is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom
Only a person who risks is free...
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach for another is to risk involvement
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To believe is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom
Only a person who risks is free...
Reaching Out
All you need to do is reach out.
Talk to me, and I will listen to what you have to say
Look to me, and I will see you for who you are
Reach out to me, and I will hold on to you
Because,
I am right here.
K.
Talk to me, and I will listen to what you have to say
Look to me, and I will see you for who you are
Reach out to me, and I will hold on to you
Because,
I am right here.
K.
Personas
To reach a more authentic way of being (for ourselves),
we need to shed ourselves of our persona(s).
To allow ourselves to be seen for who we are,
we must need to see ourselves as we are.
This is not a call for attention, it not even a demonstration.
This is simply a request to be comfortable - in our own skin.
we need to shed ourselves of our persona(s).
To allow ourselves to be seen for who we are,
we must need to see ourselves as we are.
This is not a call for attention, it not even a demonstration.
This is simply a request to be comfortable - in our own skin.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Innie or Outie
So, I don't know what troubles me more...
That I know about this, or that I thought it was common enough info that everyone knew about it.
http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/2009/08/05/innie-or-outie-a-vagina-debate-nsfw/
That I know about this, or that I thought it was common enough info that everyone knew about it.
http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/2009/08/05/innie-or-outie-a-vagina-debate-nsfw/
Monday, November 15, 2010
Prabhujee
Oh Master,show some compassion on me,
Please come and dwell in my heart.
Because without you, it is painfully lonely,
Fill this empty pot with the nectar of love.
I do not know any Tantra, Mantra or ritualistic
worship
I know and believe only in you.
I have been searching for you all over all the world,
please come and hold my hand now.
Please come and dwell in my heart.
Because without you, it is painfully lonely,
Fill this empty pot with the nectar of love.
I do not know any Tantra, Mantra or ritualistic
worship
I know and believe only in you.
I have been searching for you all over all the world,
please come and hold my hand now.
If a woman is not happy with herself, she will bring pain to everyone around her -- Ice T, "Good Hair"
Be happy with yourself - and people will not feel "pain" being around you.
I learned this lesson the hard way.
Now, I see how not being happy with myself can be "painful" for everyone around me.
Yes, now that I am beginning to accept myself and be happy for who I am - my thoughts, emotions, appearance, quirks...
I see. I see how differently people behave around me.
They don't have to watch what they say to me out of fear of my feelings.
They don't have to hold back their own emotions and concerns.
They don't have to be someone they are not.
By accepting myself, and being happy, I open them to the possibility of they accepting themselves as they are to me - thus, less painful for them.
Be happy with yourself - and people will not feel "pain" being around you.
I learned this lesson the hard way.
Now, I see how not being happy with myself can be "painful" for everyone around me.
Yes, now that I am beginning to accept myself and be happy for who I am - my thoughts, emotions, appearance, quirks...
I see. I see how differently people behave around me.
They don't have to watch what they say to me out of fear of my feelings.
They don't have to hold back their own emotions and concerns.
They don't have to be someone they are not.
By accepting myself, and being happy, I open them to the possibility of they accepting themselves as they are to me - thus, less painful for them.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Hold You In My Arms
Truly, all we want to know is that we will be comforted.
Ray LaMontange ... again.
When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
It was easy to see you'd been crying
Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns
But who really profits from the dying
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
My worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face
Close my eyes and say
That love is a poor man's food
Don't prophesize
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
So now we see how it is
This fist begets the spear
Weapons of war
Symptoms of madness
Don't let your eyes refuse to see
Don't let your ears refuse to hear
Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
Ray LaMontange ... again.
When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
It was easy to see you'd been crying
Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns
But who really profits from the dying
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
My worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face
Close my eyes and say
That love is a poor man's food
Don't prophesize
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
So now we see how it is
This fist begets the spear
Weapons of war
Symptoms of madness
Don't let your eyes refuse to see
Don't let your ears refuse to hear
Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
Thursday, November 11, 2010
"Sometimes Art takes Life Experience...
for one to GET IT" (courtesy of CP)
A year ago, I was introduced to the post-rock genre. It blew my mind away. Post-rock bands play instrumental music that embody such depth of emotions, I believe, words can do no justice.
Mono - Follow the Map
Explosions in the Sky - It's only Natural to be Afraid
This Will Destroy You - Quiet
So...
To see an individual comment to this song ...
"I keep wishing this band had lyrics in their songs because then they would be the best band ever to me."
leaves me grateful... that someone else comments,
"Can you imagine ANY lyrics that would do this justice though?"
A year ago, I was introduced to the post-rock genre. It blew my mind away. Post-rock bands play instrumental music that embody such depth of emotions, I believe, words can do no justice.
Mono - Follow the Map
Explosions in the Sky - It's only Natural to be Afraid
This Will Destroy You - Quiet
So...
To see an individual comment to this song ...
"I keep wishing this band had lyrics in their songs because then they would be the best band ever to me."
leaves me grateful... that someone else comments,
"Can you imagine ANY lyrics that would do this justice though?"
Oliver Sacks - In Person
The Contemplative Psyche: Sacks on Self
Dr. Oliver Sacks!
Last evening, I had the privilege (thanks to MR) to attend an interview with Dr. Oliver Sacks at the Free Library of Philadelphia.
It was like a dream come true - hearing a man whose writing, thoughts and ideas I greatly admire. To learn of his struggles and his ability to weave his love for medicine and writing inspires me. It gives me hope that one day I will be able to integrate my love for the observation of people and my desire to annotate my observations in fluid prose.
Yet, I felt there was a more important message at last night's event. That message being we are all capable of finding something to identify ourselves that is not our limitation. And that something (whatever it is we find in ourselves) will enable us to adjust and adapt to our limitation, possibly overcoming it.
Dr. Oliver Sacks!
Last evening, I had the privilege (thanks to MR) to attend an interview with Dr. Oliver Sacks at the Free Library of Philadelphia.
It was like a dream come true - hearing a man whose writing, thoughts and ideas I greatly admire. To learn of his struggles and his ability to weave his love for medicine and writing inspires me. It gives me hope that one day I will be able to integrate my love for the observation of people and my desire to annotate my observations in fluid prose.
Yet, I felt there was a more important message at last night's event. That message being we are all capable of finding something to identify ourselves that is not our limitation. And that something (whatever it is we find in ourselves) will enable us to adjust and adapt to our limitation, possibly overcoming it.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
People are Not Cling-Wrap.
People are Not Cling-Wrap. Cling-Wrap is transparent. People are Not transparent.
Yet, people struggle. Why?
People wish they could be transparent, and wish they could see others as transparent.
On one hand, they wish to be known - seen for who they are and ultimately accepted.
On the other hand, they wish to protect themselves from being known - and not be hurt.
Funny thing is... what people fear most, I think, is themselves.
To not be transparent to others is more a reason to not be transparent to oneself.
To see oneself.
Nobody is ever one thing.
Those who understand solitude experience loneliness.
Those who are hospitable know hostility.
Those who look to the spirit are acquainted with the illusion/delusion of the corporeal.
For when one has conquered the fear of how we see ourselves, what do we have left to hide from others.
... chew chew chew...
Yet, people struggle. Why?
People wish they could be transparent, and wish they could see others as transparent.
On one hand, they wish to be known - seen for who they are and ultimately accepted.
On the other hand, they wish to protect themselves from being known - and not be hurt.
Funny thing is... what people fear most, I think, is themselves.
To not be transparent to others is more a reason to not be transparent to oneself.
To see oneself.
Nobody is ever one thing.
Those who understand solitude experience loneliness.
Those who are hospitable know hostility.
Those who look to the spirit are acquainted with the illusion/delusion of the corporeal.
For when one has conquered the fear of how we see ourselves, what do we have left to hide from others.
... chew chew chew...
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I am who I am
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
I always thought I was open to love.
I finally woke up and realize - I was never open to love. I was waiting to open to love.
I was waiting for the right moment, right place, right person who would open me to love.
I learned only I had the power to do that. Noone else. It has been the hardest lesson.
I found it hard only because I was so scared.
I was scared of the pain that comes with being open to love. It is very painful.
I am very sensitive to pain. Pain of rejection for who I am.
I am who I am. Accepting myself as I am is the first step to becoming open to love.
I am now opening my heart to love myself.
I feel the fear that comes with this process. I sense the pain attached with the fear.
I realize they are all created from within. Beneath all is calm.
I am who I am.
I always thought I was open to love.
I finally woke up and realize - I was never open to love. I was waiting to open to love.
I was waiting for the right moment, right place, right person who would open me to love.
I learned only I had the power to do that. Noone else. It has been the hardest lesson.
I found it hard only because I was so scared.
I was scared of the pain that comes with being open to love. It is very painful.
I am very sensitive to pain. Pain of rejection for who I am.
I am who I am. Accepting myself as I am is the first step to becoming open to love.
I am now opening my heart to love myself.
I feel the fear that comes with this process. I sense the pain attached with the fear.
I realize they are all created from within. Beneath all is calm.
I am who I am.
Friday, August 20, 2010
The Monk, The Disciple and The Scorpion
“Be who you were born to be”
There once was an old wise monk who was walking with his disciple. The monk decided to stop for a drink of water at a small stream that was passing under an old bridge. As he knelt by the stream and was quenching his thirst a small scorpion appeared from underneath a rock and stung the monk on his foot. The monk calmly reached down and grabbed the scorpion by its tail, smiled and placed him back on the ground near his small rock. The disciple looked surprisingly at the monk but knowing his place he remained silent.
The next day during another walk, the monk again stopped by the stream and bent down to take a drink, when the scorpion again emerged from under his rock and again stung the monk on the foot. For a second time the monk gently picked up the scorpion and placed him back under his rock. The disciple was again amazed and started to say something but the monk had by this time turned away and continued walking.
On the third consecutive day, they were again out walking and the monk stopped for another drink and again the scorpion stung him on his foot. The monk lovingly smiled at the scorpion and placed him back under his rock. The disciple could not contain himself any longer and said to his master: Master I have been walking with you for three consecutive days and in those three days we have stopped at the same stream where you drank and three times this scorpion has come and stung you! Why do you keep placing him back under his rock so that he can continue to sting you? The master replied, “Disciple this is the only stream for miles and I am old an can not physically manage to walk further away from the road in order to drink. The scorpion’s nature is to sting, is it not? The disciple replied, “Yes master.” Well it is my nature to forgive. If I were to kill this scorpion then his nature of stinging would have caused me to lose my nature to love and forgive. Should I have given up my nature in order to change the scorpion’s nature or continue to keep being true to my nature of loving and forgiving?
While it was the scorpion's nature to sting, the monk was able to recognize that he did not have to be like the scorpion; rather, the monk chose (ACTIVELY) to continue to love and forgive the scorpion as that was the nature the monk chose (ACTIVELY) for himself.
The author that shared this story refers to this as self-empowerment.
Recognize your nature and choose to be that despite all the forces around you that may ask you to be different.
There once was an old wise monk who was walking with his disciple. The monk decided to stop for a drink of water at a small stream that was passing under an old bridge. As he knelt by the stream and was quenching his thirst a small scorpion appeared from underneath a rock and stung the monk on his foot. The monk calmly reached down and grabbed the scorpion by its tail, smiled and placed him back on the ground near his small rock. The disciple looked surprisingly at the monk but knowing his place he remained silent.
The next day during another walk, the monk again stopped by the stream and bent down to take a drink, when the scorpion again emerged from under his rock and again stung the monk on the foot. For a second time the monk gently picked up the scorpion and placed him back under his rock. The disciple was again amazed and started to say something but the monk had by this time turned away and continued walking.
On the third consecutive day, they were again out walking and the monk stopped for another drink and again the scorpion stung him on his foot. The monk lovingly smiled at the scorpion and placed him back under his rock. The disciple could not contain himself any longer and said to his master: Master I have been walking with you for three consecutive days and in those three days we have stopped at the same stream where you drank and three times this scorpion has come and stung you! Why do you keep placing him back under his rock so that he can continue to sting you? The master replied, “Disciple this is the only stream for miles and I am old an can not physically manage to walk further away from the road in order to drink. The scorpion’s nature is to sting, is it not? The disciple replied, “Yes master.” Well it is my nature to forgive. If I were to kill this scorpion then his nature of stinging would have caused me to lose my nature to love and forgive. Should I have given up my nature in order to change the scorpion’s nature or continue to keep being true to my nature of loving and forgiving?
While it was the scorpion's nature to sting, the monk was able to recognize that he did not have to be like the scorpion; rather, the monk chose (ACTIVELY) to continue to love and forgive the scorpion as that was the nature the monk chose (ACTIVELY) for himself.
The author that shared this story refers to this as self-empowerment.
Recognize your nature and choose to be that despite all the forces around you that may ask you to be different.
Monday, August 16, 2010
May Saton
The Kingdom of Kali
Anguish is always there, lurking at night,
Wakes us like a scourge, the creeping sweat
As rage is remembered, self-inflicted blight.
What is it in us we have not mastered yet?
What Hell have we made of the subtle weaving
Of nerve with brain, that all centers tear?
We live in a dark complex of rage and grieving.
The machine grates, grates, whatever we are.
The kingdom of Kali is within us deep.
The built-in destroyer, the savage goddess,
Wakes in the dark and takes away our sleep.
She moves through the blood to poison gentleness.
She keeps us from being what we long to be;
Tenderness withers under her iron laws.
We may hold her like a lunatic, but it is she
Held down, who bloodies with her claws.
How then to set her free or come to terms
With the volcano itself, the fierce power
Erupting injuries, shrieking alarms?
Kali among her skulls must have her hour.
It is time for the invocation, to atone
For what we fear most and have not dared to face:
Kali, the destroyer, cannot be overthrown;
We must stay, open-eyed, in the terrible place.
Every creation is born out of the dark.
Every birth is bloody. Something gets torn.
Kali is there to do her sovereign work
Or else the living child will be stillborn.
She cannot be cast out (she is here for good)
Nor battled to the end. Who wins that war?
She cannot be forgotten, jailed, or killed.
Heaven must still be balanced against her.
Out of destruction she comes to wrest
The juice from the cactus its harsh spine,
And until she, the destroyer, has been blest,
There will be no child, no flower, and no wine.
It is time for the invocation:
Kali, be with us.
Violence, destruction, receive our homage.
Help us to bring darkness into the light,
To lift out the pain, the anger,
Where it can be seen for what it is—
The balance-wheel for our vulnerable, aching love.
Put the wild hunger where it belongs,
Within the act of creation,
Crude power that forges a balance
Between hate and love.
Help us to be the always hopeful
Gardeners of the spirit
Who know that without darkness
Nothing comes to birth
As without light
Nothing flowers.
Bear the roots in mind,
You, the dark one, Kali,
Awesome power.
Anguish is always there, lurking at night,
Wakes us like a scourge, the creeping sweat
As rage is remembered, self-inflicted blight.
What is it in us we have not mastered yet?
What Hell have we made of the subtle weaving
Of nerve with brain, that all centers tear?
We live in a dark complex of rage and grieving.
The machine grates, grates, whatever we are.
The kingdom of Kali is within us deep.
The built-in destroyer, the savage goddess,
Wakes in the dark and takes away our sleep.
She moves through the blood to poison gentleness.
She keeps us from being what we long to be;
Tenderness withers under her iron laws.
We may hold her like a lunatic, but it is she
Held down, who bloodies with her claws.
How then to set her free or come to terms
With the volcano itself, the fierce power
Erupting injuries, shrieking alarms?
Kali among her skulls must have her hour.
It is time for the invocation, to atone
For what we fear most and have not dared to face:
Kali, the destroyer, cannot be overthrown;
We must stay, open-eyed, in the terrible place.
Every creation is born out of the dark.
Every birth is bloody. Something gets torn.
Kali is there to do her sovereign work
Or else the living child will be stillborn.
She cannot be cast out (she is here for good)
Nor battled to the end. Who wins that war?
She cannot be forgotten, jailed, or killed.
Heaven must still be balanced against her.
Out of destruction she comes to wrest
The juice from the cactus its harsh spine,
And until she, the destroyer, has been blest,
There will be no child, no flower, and no wine.
It is time for the invocation:
Kali, be with us.
Violence, destruction, receive our homage.
Help us to bring darkness into the light,
To lift out the pain, the anger,
Where it can be seen for what it is—
The balance-wheel for our vulnerable, aching love.
Put the wild hunger where it belongs,
Within the act of creation,
Crude power that forges a balance
Between hate and love.
Help us to be the always hopeful
Gardeners of the spirit
Who know that without darkness
Nothing comes to birth
As without light
Nothing flowers.
Bear the roots in mind,
You, the dark one, Kali,
Awesome power.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Stuff No One Told Me
and that is ok.
My friend, HS, recently introduced me to this artist's blog: Stuff No One Told Me
and, I LOVE IT.
Enjoy!
and, I LOVE IT.
Enjoy!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Cutting Oneself off from Other People
I am learning that it is a practice to keep oneself open and vulnerable.
These are a few lessons that I am learning; some lessons are revelations about myself that I wish to alter, and others are lessons about myself that I am coming to accept.
I learn that I operate in life with a guard. While I say that I am trusting of people, and I accept that people are good, I do fear getting hurt.
I am learning, however, that I am capable of withstanding such "hurt". For this "hurt" manifests within myself - it is created from the stories I create to explain and understand it. I am beginning to appreciate that by "turning (the emotion) on its head," I gain a new perpesctive - one where I welcome and yet am indifferent to the hurt and not to be either attached or aversed to the feeling. Hurt (as with any (un)comfortable feeling) is an opportunity to learn about myself. I am coming to accept that I feel, and my feelings are a voice to me.
Thus, I wish to let down this guard. To open myself to being "hurt," and all the other feelings that are just that less colorful because of my guard in place.
Cutting Yourself off from Other People
What to Do About It:
1. Identify the cause of your disconnection. This is obviously more complex that a few sentences can summarize, but it’s a crucial first step. If you’re aware your loner mentality leaves you feeling like an outsider watching life happen to other people, the first step is to figure out why you’ve created this situation. What are you afraid of? What are you hiding from? Or what is it you’re hiding from other people? What makes you say no when someone tries to open up your world?
2. Weigh the pros and cons of separation. Oftentimes, people isolate themselves because it feels safe. When it’s just you, there’s less uncertainty, and less potential for discomfort. On the flip side, when you shut people out, you: miss out on relationships that could add a new layer of meaning to your life; limit your possibilities for new opportunities; and increase the chances of over-thinking and feeling bad.
3. Open up slowly. You don’t have to become everyone’s best friend. You just need to entertain the possibility of new connections, even if it’s just one. Un-strange a stranger. Let your guard down just a little and take the risk of being seen. It’s a scary thing because you can’t control someone else’s perceptions. But you don’t need to. I’ve learned it’s OK if some people don’t get me. Every time you open yourself up you reaffirm that you’re happy with who you are–whether everyone else is or not.
Whether you want other people to solve your problems, you want everyone to like you, you want to ensure no one’s better than you, or you want to protect yourself so no one can hurt you, the bottom line is this: real happiness is something we have to find within ourselves. And then hold onto as best we can when people seem unpredictable. Because they’ll always be. And so are we. The only thing that’s certain is that we’re in control of ourselves. Happiness is a choice.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Being Alone can sometimes get Lonely
I am feeling lonely.
I am feeling a little out of touch with the rest of the world.
And what do I do... I curl up into myself.
It is hard. Hard to keep myself open. Hard to keep my heart open. Hard when I realize how I am the same, yet so different.
Standing for myself, I realize, sometimes I stand alone.
And I have to acknowledge that the groundedness that comes with standing alone takes time. Take time to feel and become really solid.
To trust myself takes time. But, I will not give up. Not give up on myself.
Even if it means I will feel lonely.
I am feeling a little out of touch with the rest of the world.
And what do I do... I curl up into myself.
It is hard. Hard to keep myself open. Hard to keep my heart open. Hard when I realize how I am the same, yet so different.
Standing for myself, I realize, sometimes I stand alone.
And I have to acknowledge that the groundedness that comes with standing alone takes time. Take time to feel and become really solid.
To trust myself takes time. But, I will not give up. Not give up on myself.
Even if it means I will feel lonely.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Starting to Change, Yet Not Changing At All
Sometimes the only way to create something new and wonderful is to completely shed what’s been. Don’t be afraid to evolve. Don’t let yourself get attached to ideas of who you are that no longer serve you.
I am giving myself permission to just do what I think is the right thing. I check in with my body. I check for my defenses. I ask myself about my intentions. Sometimes, it is something I have never tried doing (action or speech) before either because I was afraid or I never thought of it as a possibility. Sometimes, it is something I usually do but with a new "twist," which occurs as I see myself doing it with a more clear lens. It is this moment that I act, all previous moments washed away and all future moments remain unaccounted. I know that I may be making mistakes, but if I don't, how will I ever learn? And, I want to learn. I want to learn to act from seeing clearly.
For example, I learn that the fact that people sometimes hurt other people won’t change. However, my attitudes that lead me to being hurt can change (e.g., "I deserve to be hurt" or "I am not a good person"). While people may act in ways to hurt me, I have come to recognize that my hurt is a product of how I choose to interpret those actions. With practice, I now am able to stop and see that the other person is usually hurting themselves, or have a need to bring about hurt for their own reasons (whether it is conscious to them or not). The only response, in light of this knowledge, is love. Love is the true salve for all ails.
It’s taking time to work through these things and I don’t expect to be finished by next Monday, but that’s what I love about change and self-improvement – there’s no pressure to be complete tomorrow. I can do it all at my own pace, in a way that suits me. I’m a work-in-progress. And that gives me a lot of hope.
I am giving myself permission to just do what I think is the right thing. I check in with my body. I check for my defenses. I ask myself about my intentions. Sometimes, it is something I have never tried doing (action or speech) before either because I was afraid or I never thought of it as a possibility. Sometimes, it is something I usually do but with a new "twist," which occurs as I see myself doing it with a more clear lens. It is this moment that I act, all previous moments washed away and all future moments remain unaccounted. I know that I may be making mistakes, but if I don't, how will I ever learn? And, I want to learn. I want to learn to act from seeing clearly.
For example, I learn that the fact that people sometimes hurt other people won’t change. However, my attitudes that lead me to being hurt can change (e.g., "I deserve to be hurt" or "I am not a good person"). While people may act in ways to hurt me, I have come to recognize that my hurt is a product of how I choose to interpret those actions. With practice, I now am able to stop and see that the other person is usually hurting themselves, or have a need to bring about hurt for their own reasons (whether it is conscious to them or not). The only response, in light of this knowledge, is love. Love is the true salve for all ails.
It’s taking time to work through these things and I don’t expect to be finished by next Monday, but that’s what I love about change and self-improvement – there’s no pressure to be complete tomorrow. I can do it all at my own pace, in a way that suits me. I’m a work-in-progress. And that gives me a lot of hope.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Connections
It always surprises me how somethings happen in synchrony. You stop and realize that others are asking the same questions as you, and searching for the same answers. Acquired from a friend asking about "connections"
Connections work in strange ways
You never know how or when it starts
A good conversation
A shared interest
A friendly gesture
It’s like the other person can see right into you
Read your mind
Follow your thoughts
You never run out of things to talk about
And no silence is awkward
You’re just listening
To each other breathing
To each other pondering
Connections are meant to be built on
You realize over time
If it was just a novelty
If it meant anything
If it can be sustained
And if it is real
Sometimes it falls flat and turns into nought
Circumstances change
Feelings weaken
And the connection is no more
You can only hold on to what is left
Memories
Connections must be mutual
When two hands clap in sync
The applause is strong and loud
Its impact resonates and does not die
When two souls are connected
Every word piques your interest
Every idea a gem of a thought
Happiness is shared and amplified
But when a connection is broken
And there is no chance of revival
You can’t clap alone
You have to recognize it for what it is
And close the chapter
Let it go
Connections work in strange ways
You never know how or when it starts
A good conversation
A shared interest
A friendly gesture
It’s like the other person can see right into you
Read your mind
Follow your thoughts
You never run out of things to talk about
And no silence is awkward
You’re just listening
To each other breathing
To each other pondering
Connections are meant to be built on
You realize over time
If it was just a novelty
If it meant anything
If it can be sustained
And if it is real
Sometimes it falls flat and turns into nought
Circumstances change
Feelings weaken
And the connection is no more
You can only hold on to what is left
Memories
Connections must be mutual
When two hands clap in sync
The applause is strong and loud
Its impact resonates and does not die
When two souls are connected
Every word piques your interest
Every idea a gem of a thought
Happiness is shared and amplified
But when a connection is broken
And there is no chance of revival
You can’t clap alone
You have to recognize it for what it is
And close the chapter
Let it go
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Interest
I came across this on another blog, recommended to me by my friend AK, which comprises of many heartfelt thoughts that resonated with my own. I share this.
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even if its not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from The presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the sliver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you are and how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder May 1994
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wisdom and Innocence
I believe people are good at heart. I believe people care. Some people say that’s naïve. Maybe so. But I’m going to try my best to prove them wrong by caring and showing it—especially when it’s hard.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Taking Responsibility for My Own Life
Last evening, I wrestled. I wrestled because my parents were resorting to their old ways in communicating their hurt and angry feelings towards me - putting me down and making me feel guilty and shame. I really wanted to blame them - blame them for making me feel insecure, for not trusting in myself and my abilities, and for keeping myself so guarded. Then, I realized, I am no longer these things and I am an adult - my own person - capable of making my own choices as to how I wish to think, feel and behave.
I am who I am, and I do not have to fulfill any expectations that I do not myself set (in a loving way).
So rather than blame, I chose to forgive. I forgive them for not knowing how to express their love and concern for me in a healthy way, because I know it is a result of them never having learned how to do that themselves. And by forgiving them, I see the hurt but I also see the love behind it. I acknowledge they care, and I can accept that including their way of showing it no matter how unpleasurable it is for me.
"We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame. "
I am who I am, and I do not have to fulfill any expectations that I do not myself set (in a loving way).
So rather than blame, I chose to forgive. I forgive them for not knowing how to express their love and concern for me in a healthy way, because I know it is a result of them never having learned how to do that themselves. And by forgiving them, I see the hurt but I also see the love behind it. I acknowledge they care, and I can accept that including their way of showing it no matter how unpleasurable it is for me.
"We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame. "
Monday, April 19, 2010
The Real Thing
I must thank my friend CP for introducing me to this website. Today's post was especially relevant to me and what I have been evaluating over the last year. I feel reassured that my thoughts are echoed in this article, and that I am on a path that is meaningful.
The Real Thing
Love Should Feel Good
Love should feel good. Relationships that leave you feeling depleted, sad and making excuses are not based in love.Often in our lives, we fall prey to the idea of a thing rather than actually experiencing the thing itself. We see this at play in our love lives and in the love lives of our friends, our family, and even fictional characters. The conceptualizing, depiction, and pursuit of true love are multimillion-dollar industries in the modern world. However, very little of what is offered actually leads us to an authentic experience of love. Moreover, as we grasp for what we think we want and fail to find it, we may suffer and bring suffering to others. When this is the case, when we suffer more than we feel healed, we can be fairly certain that what we have found is not love but something else. When we feel anxious, excited, nervous, and thrilled, we are probably experiencing romance, not love. Romance can be a lot of fun as long as we do not try to make too much of it. If we try to make more of it than it is, the romance then becomes painful. Romance may lead to love, but it may also fade without blossoming into anything more than a flirtation. If we cling to it and try to make it more, we might find ourselves pining for a fantasy, or worse, stuck in a relationship that was never meant to last. Real love is identifiable by the way it makes us feel. Love should feel good. There is a peaceful quality to an authentic experience of love that penetrates to our core, touching a part of ourselves that has always been there. True love activates this inner being, filling us with warmth and light. An authentic experience of love does not ask us to look a certain way, drive a certain car, or have a certain job. It takes us as we are, no changes required. When people truly love us, their love for us awakens our love for ourselves. They remind us that what we seek outside of ourselves is a mirror image of the lover within. In this way, true love never makes us feel needy or lacking or anxious. Instead, true love empowers us with its implicit message that we are, always have been, and always will be, made of love.
The Real Thing
Love Should Feel Good
Love should feel good. Relationships that leave you feeling depleted, sad and making excuses are not based in love.Often in our lives, we fall prey to the idea of a thing rather than actually experiencing the thing itself. We see this at play in our love lives and in the love lives of our friends, our family, and even fictional characters. The conceptualizing, depiction, and pursuit of true love are multimillion-dollar industries in the modern world. However, very little of what is offered actually leads us to an authentic experience of love. Moreover, as we grasp for what we think we want and fail to find it, we may suffer and bring suffering to others. When this is the case, when we suffer more than we feel healed, we can be fairly certain that what we have found is not love but something else. When we feel anxious, excited, nervous, and thrilled, we are probably experiencing romance, not love. Romance can be a lot of fun as long as we do not try to make too much of it. If we try to make more of it than it is, the romance then becomes painful. Romance may lead to love, but it may also fade without blossoming into anything more than a flirtation. If we cling to it and try to make it more, we might find ourselves pining for a fantasy, or worse, stuck in a relationship that was never meant to last. Real love is identifiable by the way it makes us feel. Love should feel good. There is a peaceful quality to an authentic experience of love that penetrates to our core, touching a part of ourselves that has always been there. True love activates this inner being, filling us with warmth and light. An authentic experience of love does not ask us to look a certain way, drive a certain car, or have a certain job. It takes us as we are, no changes required. When people truly love us, their love for us awakens our love for ourselves. They remind us that what we seek outside of ourselves is a mirror image of the lover within. In this way, true love never makes us feel needy or lacking or anxious. Instead, true love empowers us with its implicit message that we are, always have been, and always will be, made of love.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
An Open Heart
Clipped Two Different Posts (for two different reasons) to highlight:
I know. I did too. It was heart breaking! Seeing both Booth and Brennan cry after he says he always knew she was the one.. and she can't open up her heart enough to trust him with hers (the ultimate reason). She hates psychology but this is a classic example of fearing what we could do to others when in reality we are afraid of what they could do to us.
Living with an Open Heart
I know. I did too. It was heart breaking! Seeing both Booth and Brennan cry after he says he always knew she was the one.. and she can't open up her heart enough to trust him with hers (the ultimate reason). She hates psychology but this is a classic example of fearing what we could do to others when in reality we are afraid of what they could do to us.
Living with an Open Heart
There have been historic amounts of snow falling in Philadelphia and the Northeast; so, it is easy to find yourself being cold. Yesterday, I woke up to a snowed-in morning and before I got out of bed I realized I was thinking about the ability to express love in my half-sleep/wake mode. It felt like I was thinking but I realized I was projecting what I thought to someone else as if I felt my thoughts through the other person and not myself. I was feeling as though I had “stepped out” of my being and into another persons’ being.
Either way, I was feeling different and thinking of the sad reality that most of us are prisoners of the self, or the self that is imposed by our immediate surroundings and family, our society, culture, upbringing, circumstances and predispositions. As a whole most of us do not take the time to express and live through love. It is quite possible that the world tears at you and slowly your heart can become closed.; this can be limiting yet a protective and pointed way of living a modern life. But, what about when you feel like you want to say or do something different in a situation and you are almost debilitated, incapacitated by your old behavior, by the old you? It prompted questions: How long have you been living in the old, same you? When do you feel you will be strong enough to overcome your old self and break the chains to change? When will we say enough and surrender to truly open our heart center and live from there?
This morning I turned on my heart light and I opened my heart a little wider. I don’t know how long it will stay this open. I don’t know if it will get discarded, like the snow that covers the ground as the sidewalk gets shoveled. I do know that for a full 15 minutes I felt this warm buzzing, so strong, and it was my heart resonating, vibrating L O V E. I didn’t need a particular person to claim it or cherish it. It didn’t need to be sent to anyone, I let it radiate out into the Universe as far as it could go. Funny, it really didn’t go that far and maybe that is because I needed the love myself. It is said in spiritual practice that you must first love yourself before you can love others. I truly believe that idea. Loving with an open heart yourself, your life and others is a process and exercise of letting go.
Funny, I hadn’t even think of the whole Valentine’s Day connection; but, it popped into my mind and suddenly I really savored the idea of taking time to open my heart and using these moments to pledge to myself that I will live connected to and from the heart. For me having an open heart has been a bit by bit process to embody. In the past, I was scared to express these types of emotions to others or myself. Today, I feel rewarded to get further into the realm of Open Heart and Universal Love and Consciousness and further away from a selfish me that thought the world did me wrong and closed me down. It is only I who can send out the Love I want to give and receive in living life.
Ahh, snow angels, give me wings, I am on my way..
MEDITATION FOR ANYWHERE- (3- 5 minutes) –
Try focusing on yourself or another person in your life and visualize pure love flowing from your heart into theirs or your own heart.
Deep breathing through your intention, focusing on the energy you are sending out. You could see the color green, feel the heart opening and streaming, pouring love into the heart. You can even put your hands over your heart to connect the mind and body to the spirit. When finished sit quietly and absorb the sensations you created through the practice.
This is a practice to become more heart centered/connected and one that hopefully reminds you of the beauty in Love.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Daily OM - Part Trois
I obviously can continue... this person(s) writes so wonderfully my thoughts and sentiments:-
What We See
Judging Others
What We See
Judging Others
Though it is human to evaluate people we encounter based on first impressions, the conclusions we come to are seldom unaffected by our own fears and our own preconceptions. Additionally, our judgments are frequently incomplete. For example, wealth can seem like proof that an individual is spoiled, and poverty can be seen as a signifier of laziness—neither of which may be true. At the heart of the tendency to categorize and criticize, we often find insecurity. Overcoming our need to set ourselves apart from what we fear is a matter of understanding the root of judgment and then reaffirming our commitment to tolerance.
When we catch ourselves thinking or behaving judgmentally, we should ask ourselves where these judgments come from. Traits we hope we do not possess can instigate our criticism when we see them in others because passing judgment distances us from those traits. Once we regain our center, we can reinforce our open-mindedness by putting our feelings into words. To acknowledge to ourselves that we have judged, and that we have identified the root of our judgments, is the first step to a path of compassion. Recognizing that we limit our awareness by assessing others critically can make moving past our initial impressions much easier. Judgments seldom leave room for alternate possibilities.
Mother Teresa said, “If you judge people, you don’t have time to love them.” If we are quick to pass judgment on others, we forget that they, like us, are human beings. As we seldom know what roads people have traveled before a shared encounter or why they have come into our lives, we should always give those we meet the gift of an open heart. Doing so allows us to replace fear-based criticism with appreciation because we can then focus wholeheartedly on the spark of good that burns in all human souls.
Daily OM - Part Deux
Another article that echoes my sentiment...!
An Inner Choice
Peace
An Inner Choice
Peace
Often we look at the outside world and find it in a state of seeming chaos or disorder. We feel compelled to transform the situation from one of turmoil into one of peace, yet we are often disappointed in our best attempts to do so. One reason for this is that we cannot bring to the world what we do not have to offer. Peace starts in our own minds and hearts, not outside of ourselves, and until its roots are firmly entrenched in our own selves, we cannot manifest it externally. Once we have found it within, we can share it with our family, our community, and the whole wide world. Some of us may already be doing just that, but for most of us, the first step is looking within and honestly evaluating the state of our own relationship to peacefulness.
Interestingly, people who manifest peace internally are not different from us; they have chattering thoughts and troubled emotions like we all do. The difference is that they do not lend their energy to them, so those thoughts and feelings can simply rise and fall like the waves of the ocean without disturbing the deeper waters of peacefulness within. We all have this ability to choose how we distribute our energy, and practice enables us to grow increasingly more serene as we choose the vibration of peace over the vibration of conflict. We begin to see our thoughts and feelings as tiny objects on the surface of our being that pose no threat to the deep interior stillness that is the source of peacefulness.
When we find that we are able to locate ourselves more and more in the deeper waters and less on the tumultuous surface of our being, we have discovered a lasting relationship with peace that will enable us to inspire peace beyond ourselves. Until then, we help the world most by practicing the art of choosing peace within.
Daily OM - a hop, skip and stumble into delight!
My friend CP recommended this website to me the other day as we exchanged inspiration(s).
Daily OM
Today, I stumbled onto this message.
Often the best way to create change is not to try to convince others to change, but to change ourselves.
We all know from experience that we can’t change other people, yet most of us have a tendency to try. This is because we naturally feel the need to do something to change situations that we find troubling. It often doesn’t occur to us that the best way to create change is not to try to convince others to change but to change ourselves. When we make adjustments from within, we become role models for others, and leading by example is much more inspiring than a lecture or an argument.
We sometimes look outside ourselves for what’s wrong with the world, but the outside world is really just a mirror reflecting us back to ourselves. When we encounter negativity—anger, depression, fear—we empower ourselves by looking for its roots inside of ourselves. For example, if you have a friend who is unreliable, observe yourself and notice if there are ways in which you are unreliable. You may be surprised to discover that you have your own struggles with this issue in ways you weren’t able to see. Once you own the issue for yourself, you can begin to work for change within yourself. This will also enable you to have more compassion for your friend. At the very least, as you strive to become more reliable, you will become more of the person you want to be. In the best-case scenario, you will be an inspiration to others.
You can apply the same method to larger issues. For example, if there is something you see in the larger world that you would like to change—let’s say, greed—try taking responsibility for changing it in yourself. Instead of being angry with those you see as greedy, seek out the roots of your own greed and come to terms with your power to transform it. This may be the best way to lead the world toward greater moderation and generosity.
Thank you to the author - s/he echoed my sentiments so thoughtfully.
Daily OM
Today, I stumbled onto this message.
We all know from experience that we can’t change other people, yet most of us have a tendency to try. This is because we naturally feel the need to do something to change situations that we find troubling. It often doesn’t occur to us that the best way to create change is not to try to convince others to change but to change ourselves. When we make adjustments from within, we become role models for others, and leading by example is much more inspiring than a lecture or an argument.
We sometimes look outside ourselves for what’s wrong with the world, but the outside world is really just a mirror reflecting us back to ourselves. When we encounter negativity—anger, depression, fear—we empower ourselves by looking for its roots inside of ourselves. For example, if you have a friend who is unreliable, observe yourself and notice if there are ways in which you are unreliable. You may be surprised to discover that you have your own struggles with this issue in ways you weren’t able to see. Once you own the issue for yourself, you can begin to work for change within yourself. This will also enable you to have more compassion for your friend. At the very least, as you strive to become more reliable, you will become more of the person you want to be. In the best-case scenario, you will be an inspiration to others.
You can apply the same method to larger issues. For example, if there is something you see in the larger world that you would like to change—let’s say, greed—try taking responsibility for changing it in yourself. Instead of being angry with those you see as greedy, seek out the roots of your own greed and come to terms with your power to transform it. This may be the best way to lead the world toward greater moderation and generosity.
Thank you to the author - s/he echoed my sentiments so thoughtfully.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
To The White Rabbit...
When I speak of not feeling human, I do not think I am not human like others. I know very much for a fact that I am human complete with human thoughts, emotions, etc. However, I feel disconnected from the other humans. The reason for this disconnect is because (for whatever reason) I recognize that much of the way I see, think, feel, perceive the world is very different from how people tell me I should see, think, feel or perceive. The people I refer to are those who brought me up - parents, family, teachers, peers. That's how I do not feel "human."
In my bid to feel connected, to understand, I have tried on many skins and held many personas. Only to realize, that I am none of those things. I am me.
What you are seeing is my self coming to fruition - I am only starting to see who I truly am and accept myself that way. For example, I find wonder in the smallest things, and rather be laughing than frowning. In fact, there is so much I have come to realize in my 28 years that I have come to understand is UNIQUE about me (everyone has a little piece, but what makes it unique is the combination of all those different little pieces that makes me - ME). In the same, I find people curious - I love to "see' all those different little pieces that make them uniquely who they are - each and everyone.
As a young person (since I was 8, I believe), I wanted to get away from it all. I wanted the space to think independently about who I am and what my path was about. There were a lot of perplexing questions - and I was always one with an open and curious mind, always wanting and willing to learn from myself and from others. I find and recognize that how I see the world and how I live in it is a product of my mind. It is those perspectives that make me think and feel what I do. And the questions that I ask come from my heart, my life and the experiences within it. Each question will lead to an answer, which leads only to another question. Believe me, this does not trouble me. Perhaps, the answer at the end of this path is "42." I am not distressed by this - I enjoy this journey, in fact.
I have always had an open, inquisitive, and somewhat skeptical mind about things that present themselves to me. I examine it with reason (sometimes in meditation) and put it to test in my life. And as I gain insight into my mind, I recognize how to deal with my day-to-day experiences of thoughts and emotions. I uncover inaccurate and unhelpful habits of thinking and begin to correct them.
I cannot escape having a "philosophy of life" because I know it guides my thoughts, feelings and ultimately my actions - kindness/indifference; generosity/selfishness; patience/blame... etc.
I do not simply want to accept things without having examined it - but after having examined it, I find that there is no answer, I know I am satisfied. I know this because I have experienced this, and am perfectly comfortable not knowing.
[The following revolves around astrology, but I cannot help but see the resemblance to what I am trying to communicate]
Fixed Air & Mutable Water this is perhaps the strangest combination. Both of these signs are unconventional as far as society is concerned. They seem to know things other people don’t know. Aquarius desire to know with Pisces intuition could be very helpful. However, they aren’t on the same wave length. It takes some objective observation to make this unusual combination fit. Society is no help when it comes to putting it together. Pisces belongs to the mystics while Aquarius belongs to the scientist. Of course, no one fits this pattern exactly.
Both must find a part of society in which they feel most comfortable. Those dealing with this cusp of qualities in one chart must find a unique way to blend these two abilities on their own. Most of you will be rather silent about what you are able to recognize since you realize very early that no one else recognizes things as they appear to be to you. If you worry too much about other people, you may put so much pressure on yourself to fit in that you distort the best of what you have. If you are able to deal with the difference you recognize between you and the society in which you find yourself, it is possible for you to develop some real genius qualities. It will be up to you to recognize these differences and not try too hard to get the recognition you would like to have to help you develop your ideas. If you have enough control without looking weird, you will be able to learn something from everyone, even if they understand very little, if anything, about the way you see your world. Psychic phenomena is natural to you. If society laughs at this too early in your life, you will shut it off and deny you ever saw anything. You will learn very soon that others don’t see what you see. You will have to decide whether you can find a safe way to be yourself or if it would be safer to try to be more like everyone else. Singers, actors, authors, and that in-between group which cannot be classified are able to do a good job with this cusp.
[The following revolves around astrology, but I cannot help but see the resemblance to what I am trying to communicate]
Fixed Air & Mutable Water this is perhaps the strangest combination. Both of these signs are unconventional as far as society is concerned. They seem to know things other people don’t know. Aquarius desire to know with Pisces intuition could be very helpful. However, they aren’t on the same wave length. It takes some objective observation to make this unusual combination fit. Society is no help when it comes to putting it together. Pisces belongs to the mystics while Aquarius belongs to the scientist. Of course, no one fits this pattern exactly.
Both must find a part of society in which they feel most comfortable. Those dealing with this cusp of qualities in one chart must find a unique way to blend these two abilities on their own. Most of you will be rather silent about what you are able to recognize since you realize very early that no one else recognizes things as they appear to be to you. If you worry too much about other people, you may put so much pressure on yourself to fit in that you distort the best of what you have. If you are able to deal with the difference you recognize between you and the society in which you find yourself, it is possible for you to develop some real genius qualities. It will be up to you to recognize these differences and not try too hard to get the recognition you would like to have to help you develop your ideas. If you have enough control without looking weird, you will be able to learn something from everyone, even if they understand very little, if anything, about the way you see your world. Psychic phenomena is natural to you. If society laughs at this too early in your life, you will shut it off and deny you ever saw anything. You will learn very soon that others don’t see what you see. You will have to decide whether you can find a safe way to be yourself or if it would be safer to try to be more like everyone else. Singers, actors, authors, and that in-between group which cannot be classified are able to do a good job with this cusp.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Someday You Will Be LOVED
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
A broken heart eventually mends,
Scars heal when we attend to them.
The pain one feels eventually ends,
No matter how hard now it is to comprehend.
It took 36 hours to digest, process and finally accept that I too will be loved. Just for who I am.
~K~
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Feeling (In)human
Mantra of today: I am human, therefore I err. To not make mistakes is to be inhuman.
All this time, I thought I needed to be perfect.
Then the truth hits me - Nobody is perfect!
No wonder I have felt so disjointed from the rest of the world. I have been trying so hard to become something I can never be - only adding to my sense of failure.
Today, however, I am sitting in the sun, and I realize (like a light bulb on the top of my head just blew!) - I have to accept that to be human means I make mistakes.
My character is not defined by "never" making mistakes; rather, it is determined by how I resolve the mistakes that have been made. Yet, before I can resolve them, I must accept them.
All this time, I thought I needed to be perfect.
Then the truth hits me - Nobody is perfect!
No wonder I have felt so disjointed from the rest of the world. I have been trying so hard to become something I can never be - only adding to my sense of failure.
Today, however, I am sitting in the sun, and I realize (like a light bulb on the top of my head just blew!) - I have to accept that to be human means I make mistakes.
My character is not defined by "never" making mistakes; rather, it is determined by how I resolve the mistakes that have been made. Yet, before I can resolve them, I must accept them.
"Heightened Neurosis"
[As I research for a paper... I find this description of my current experience. I hope it helps my friends understand better my experience.]
(paraphrased)
In the process of developing emotional tolerance and coming to a more de-centered relationship with emotions, there can be a disturbance, or a worsening of distress.
Chodron (2001) describes the feelings distress and dread as an indication that the old patterns are loosening. As one gives up old ways of coping and looks more closely at disturbing emotions and habits, one begins to understand their hold, how they play out, and theirroots.
This process brings a period of increased distress that Buddhist have long acknowledged and called "heightened neurosis."
Studies of those who have experienced dramatic and positive life changes suggest that there is a similar period of disturbance before these types of transitions.
As with trauma work, it is essential that the client have the resources to tolerate this difficult process.
The most disturbing and feared view of self, which most often involves themes of defectiveness, undesirability, worthlessness, and failure.
(paraphrased)
In the process of developing emotional tolerance and coming to a more de-centered relationship with emotions, there can be a disturbance, or a worsening of distress.
Chodron (2001) describes the feelings distress and dread as an indication that the old patterns are loosening. As one gives up old ways of coping and looks more closely at disturbing emotions and habits, one begins to understand their hold, how they play out, and theirroots.
This process brings a period of increased distress that Buddhist have long acknowledged and called "heightened neurosis."
Studies of those who have experienced dramatic and positive life changes suggest that there is a similar period of disturbance before these types of transitions.
As with trauma work, it is essential that the client have the resources to tolerate this difficult process.
The most disturbing and feared view of self, which most often involves themes of defectiveness, undesirability, worthlessness, and failure.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Struggling...
I struggle with writing.
I know this.
Yet I am in an academic program that requires I produce substantial amounts of writing.
Failing to do so means that I cannot graduate.
I am ready to graduate.
Yet, my struggle has led me to remain another year within this program.
Sigh.
I know this.
Yet I am in an academic program that requires I produce substantial amounts of writing.
Failing to do so means that I cannot graduate.
I am ready to graduate.
Yet, my struggle has led me to remain another year within this program.
Sigh.
Monday, February 1, 2010
A New Year, The Same Me
...albeit with a few modifications.
2009 ended and 2010 began with travels to the U.K. and France (Paris and Nimes).
And 2010 began with some decisions (not resolutions) to try something different or re-try something old.
The first decision was to make a concentrated effort at being a vegetarian. Most friends think it's about health or ethics or finances. It's none of these. It's about discipline - to acknowledge the options that are available to you and make that one choice to keep to your decision.
The second decision was to review the "stuff" that I have and decide whether I really need it (as oppose to want it). That which I do not need I then decided I am going to give away. This decision has since become a charity initiative organized by myself and a fairy friend VS.
The third decision was to totally (finally) cut-off all my financial apron-strings. This was the easiest for me to do, though toughest on my pocket. Yet, I have to start being realistic with my spending habits and the only way to become disciplined about that is to have some real sense of my financial "worth."
And one month into it, I am not doing too bad. Will keep you updated.
2009 ended and 2010 began with travels to the U.K. and France (Paris and Nimes).
And 2010 began with some decisions (not resolutions) to try something different or re-try something old.
The first decision was to make a concentrated effort at being a vegetarian. Most friends think it's about health or ethics or finances. It's none of these. It's about discipline - to acknowledge the options that are available to you and make that one choice to keep to your decision.
The second decision was to review the "stuff" that I have and decide whether I really need it (as oppose to want it). That which I do not need I then decided I am going to give away. This decision has since become a charity initiative organized by myself and a fairy friend VS.
The third decision was to totally (finally) cut-off all my financial apron-strings. This was the easiest for me to do, though toughest on my pocket. Yet, I have to start being realistic with my spending habits and the only way to become disciplined about that is to have some real sense of my financial "worth."
And one month into it, I am not doing too bad. Will keep you updated.
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