Cutting Oneself off from Other People

I am learning that it is a practice to keep oneself open and vulnerable.

These are a few lessons that I am learning; some lessons are revelations about myself that I wish to alter, and others are lessons about myself that I am coming to accept.

I learn that I operate in life with a guard. While I say that I am trusting of people, and I accept that people are good, I do fear getting hurt.

I am learning, however, that I am capable of withstanding such "hurt". For this "hurt" manifests within myself - it is created from the stories I create to explain and understand it. I am beginning to appreciate that by "turning (the emotion) on its head," I gain a new perpesctive - one where I welcome and yet am indifferent to the hurt and not to be either attached or aversed to the feeling. Hurt (as with any (un)comfortable feeling) is an opportunity to learn about myself. I am coming to accept that I feel, and my feelings are a voice to me.

Thus, I wish to let down this guard. To open myself to being "hurt," and all the other feelings that are just that less colorful because of my guard in place.

Cutting Yourself off from Other People

What to Do About It:

1. Identify the cause of your disconnection. This is obviously more complex that a few sentences can summarize, but it’s a crucial first step. If you’re aware your loner mentality leaves you feeling like an outsider watching life happen to other people, the first step is to figure out why you’ve created this situation. What are you afraid of? What are you hiding from? Or what is it you’re hiding from other people? What makes you say no when someone tries to open up your world?

2. Weigh the pros and cons of separation. Oftentimes, people isolate themselves because it feels safe. When it’s just you, there’s less uncertainty, and less potential for discomfort. On the flip side, when you shut people out, you: miss out on relationships that could add a new layer of meaning to your life; limit your possibilities for new opportunities; and increase the chances of over-thinking and feeling bad.

3. Open up slowly. You don’t have to become everyone’s best friend. You just need to entertain the possibility of new connections, even if it’s just one. Un-strange a stranger. Let your guard down just a little and take the risk of being seen. It’s a scary thing because you can’t control someone else’s perceptions. But you don’t need to. I’ve learned it’s OK if some people don’t get me. Every time you open yourself up you reaffirm that you’re happy with who you are–whether everyone else is or not.

Whether you want other people to solve your problems, you want everyone to like you, you want to ensure no one’s better than you, or you want to protect yourself so no one can hurt you, the bottom line is this: real happiness is something we have to find within ourselves. And then hold onto as best we can when people seem unpredictable. Because they’ll always be. And so are we. The only thing that’s certain is that we’re in control of ourselves. Happiness is a choice.