Being Alone can sometimes get Lonely

I am feeling lonely.

I am feeling a little out of touch with the rest of the world.

And what do I do... I curl up into myself.

It is hard. Hard to keep myself open. Hard to keep my heart open. Hard when I realize how I am the same, yet so different.

Standing for myself, I realize, sometimes I stand alone.

And I have to acknowledge that the groundedness that comes with standing alone takes time. Take time to feel and become really solid.

To trust myself takes time. But, I will not give up. Not give up on myself.

Even if it means I will feel lonely.

Starting to Change, Yet Not Changing At All

Sometimes the only way to create something new and wonderful is to completely shed what’s been. Don’t be afraid to evolve. Don’t let yourself get attached to ideas of who you are that no longer serve you.

I am giving myself permission to just do what I think is the right thing. I check in with my body. I check for my defenses. I ask myself about my intentions. Sometimes, it is something I have never tried doing (action or speech) before either because I was afraid or I never thought of it as a possibility. Sometimes, it is something I usually do but with a new "twist," which occurs as I see myself doing it with a more clear lens. It is this moment that I act, all previous moments washed away and all future moments remain unaccounted. I know that I may be making mistakes, but if I don't, how will I ever learn? And, I want to learn. I want to learn to act from seeing clearly.

For example, I learn that the fact that people sometimes hurt other people won’t change. However, my attitudes that lead me to being hurt can change (e.g., "I deserve to be hurt" or "I am not a good person"). While people may act in ways to hurt me, I have come to recognize that my hurt is a product of how I choose to interpret those actions. With practice, I now am able to stop and see that the other person is usually hurting themselves, or have a need to bring about hurt for their own reasons (whether it is conscious to them or not). The only response, in light of this knowledge, is love. Love is the true salve for all ails.

It’s taking time to work through these things and I don’t expect to be finished by next Monday, but that’s what I love about change and self-improvement – there’s no pressure to be complete tomorrow. I can do it all at my own pace, in a way that suits me. I’m a work-in-progress. And that gives me a lot of hope.

Connections

It always surprises me how somethings happen in synchrony. You stop and realize that others are asking the same questions as you, and searching for the same answers. Acquired from a friend asking about "connections"

Connections work in strange ways
You never know how or when it starts
A good conversation
A shared interest
A friendly gesture
It’s like the other person can see right into you
Read your mind
Follow your thoughts
You never run out of things to talk about
And no silence is awkward
You’re just listening
To each other breathing
To each other pondering

Connections are meant to be built on
You realize over time
If it was just a novelty
If it meant anything
If it can be sustained
And if it is real
Sometimes it falls flat and turns into nought
Circumstances change
Feelings weaken
And the connection is no more
You can only hold on to what is left
Memories

Connections must be mutual
When two hands clap in sync
The applause is strong and loud
Its impact resonates and does not die
When two souls are connected
Every word piques your interest
Every idea a gem of a thought
Happiness is shared and amplified
But when a connection is broken
And there is no chance of revival
You can’t clap alone
You have to recognize it for what it is
And close the chapter
Let it go