Risk-Taking

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool;
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental;
To reach out for another is to risk involvement;
To expose feelings is to risk exposing true self;
To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss;
To love is to risk not being loved in return;
To live is to risk dying;
To hope is to risk despair;
To try is to risk failure;
But risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing;
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing;
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love and live;
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave and has forfeited freedom'
Only a person who risks is free.

I am beginning to appreciate what this year means for me - it is about truly recognizing and appreciating what it means to take risks.

I have fallen in love - and found myself willing to be vulnerable in a way I have never before - it is making me come face-to-face with some cogent aspects of myself.

Risk-taking involves many parts...

1. Action itself:-

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  Opening yourself to change. It is the accepting of the need for change and it is taking the behavioral steps that will result in that change.


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  Honest appraisal of a situation in life requiring your action.


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  Understanding the risks involved in taking such action.


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  Weighing the pros and cons of taking the action.


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  Making a choice to take the required action.


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  Performing the action with full consciousness of the risks, pros and cons and potential outcome.


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  Accepting the consequences of such action.
  

2. Reactions around the action:-

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  The ability to ignore your need for other's approval in order to take the most appropriate action for you.


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  The behavioral process involving the gamble that you may experience rejection from others for the actions you have chosen to take.


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  Pursuing the required actions despite the fear that it will affect others negatively, resulting in their efforts to make you feel guilty about taking such action.

3. Problem-solving & Conflict resolution:-

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  Now-oriented action.


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  Direct confrontation of a problem. It is the absence of procrastination and denial in dealing with a problem.


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  Responsible action taken to pursue the resolution of a problem.


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  The effort to be honest with yourself about your part in interpersonal problems, admitting that you have certain personal barriers that prevent the resolution of the problem.


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  Admitting to the other(s) involved what the barriers are and seeking assistance to address those barriers and resolve the problems.


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  Committing to become objective in pursuing a rational approach to a problem.


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  The willingness to identify irrational blocking beliefs, which hinder resolutions.


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  Opening yourself to be identified as being too subjective, too emotional, too obstructing and too hindering in the resolution of your problem.


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  The willingness to accept honest, objective feedback about the need for you to change your own behavior.


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  The effort to be less subjective, less defensive and more open in your search for truth, honesty and sanity in resolving your problem.


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  The willingness to take a healing, forgiving and forgetting attitude in pursuing the resolution of a conflict.


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  Opening yourself to be vulnerable, to being taken advantage of by the other in the conflict situation.


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  Demonstrating your trust in the other person's willingness to accept an honest, open and upfront approach to resolving the conflict.

4. Personal commitment:-

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  Deciding to make a personal sacrifice of time, energy, ability and knowledge as an investment to better your circumstances.


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  Hoping your circumstances will improve as a result of your personal sacrifice, but making it anyway.

What I have learn is that risk-taking is considered risk-taking because one does it despite oneself.

These past few weeks, I have seen myself act/behave/think in patterns that I thought were old and long-gone. I am slowly reclaiming myself, and now, find myself more actively challenging these patterns. What are these patterns?

Fear makes me lose my objectivity - it makes me interpret actions and words within a lense of fear. It is a fear I have to conquer from within - to conquer by recognizing that I am who I am, which is a worthwhile person. When vulnerable, I still have to remain clear and secure on this foundation - that vulnerability is about being open to truths and being open about truths.

(to be continued...)

Other People...

Again, sometimes notes fall on your lap (or pop up in your e-mail inbox) just when you need them...


Other people may have their own agenda for our life; we can value their input but we don’t have to take it to heart.


As children, our parents had dreams for us. They wanted us to do well in school, and to do whatever was necessary to reach our highest potential. Later in life, friends may try to set us up with their idea of the perfect partner or the perfect job. People close to us may have ideas about how we should live our lives, ideas that usually come from love and the desire for us to be happy. Other times, they come from a place of need within them—the parent who wants us to live out his or her dreams.

Whatever the case, we can appreciate and consider those people’s input, but ultimately we must follow our own inner guidance.

There may come a time when all the suggestions can become overbearing. We may feel that the people we love don’t approve of our judgment, which can hurt our feelings. It can interfere with the choices we make for our lives by making us doubt ourselves, or filling a void with their wishes before we’ve had a chance to decide what we want. It can affect us energetically as well. We may have to deal with feelings of resistance or the need to shut ourselves off from them.

But we can take some time to rid ourselves of any unnecessary doubts and go within to become clear on what we desire for ourselves.

We can tell our loved ones how much we appreciate their thoughts and ideas, but that we need to live our own lives and make our own decisions. We can explain that they need to let us learn from our own experiences rather than rob us of wonderful life lessons and the opportunity to fine-tune our own judgment. When they see that we are happy with our lives and the path we are taking to reach our goals, they can rest assured that all we need them to do is to share in our joy.


This article already echoes what I have known for very long. What it does not elaborate is that the tasks of standing up for oneself against very overbearing parents is not easy. I have to look deep within myself to recognize the strength I already possess, and the knowledge that I know what is best for me - that I will make mistakes. But for every fall, I am capable and have risen again to take the challenge. It is this knowledge that provides the scaffolding for me to hold myself up and face my parents. I have long known they only mean well - but their love blinds them to the daughter that stands in front of them. Today, I have truly started to mourn the loss of the parents I hope to have (thank you Jennifer). And by accepting my parents for who they are in front of me, I am starting to stand up for myself.

The Real Thing (Written April 19, 2010)

The Real Thing
I must thank my friend CP for introducing me to this website. Today's post was especially relevant to me and what I have been evaluating over the last year. I feel reassured that my thoughts are echoed in this article, and that I am on a path that is meaningful.

The Real Thing
Love Should Feel Good

Love should feel good. Relationships that leave you feeling depleted, sad and making excuses are not based in love.Often in our lives, we fall prey to the idea of a thing rather than actually experiencing the thing itself. We see this at play in our love lives and in the love lives of our friends, our family, and even fictional characters. The conceptualizing, depiction, and pursuit of true love are multimillion-dollar industries in the modern world. However, very little of what is offered actually leads us to an authentic experience of love. Moreover, as we grasp for what we think we want and fail to find it, we may suffer and bring suffering to others. When this is the case, when we suffer more than we feel healed, we can be fairly certain that what we have found is not love but something else. When we feel anxious, excited, nervous, and thrilled, we are probably experiencing romance, not love. Romance can be a lot of fun as long as we do not try to make too much of it. If we try to make more of it than it is, the romance then becomes painful. Romance may lead to love, but it may also fade without blossoming into anything more than a flirtation. If we cling to it and try to make it more, we might find ourselves pining for a fantasy, or worse, stuck in a relationship that was never meant to last. Real love is identifiable by the way it makes us feel. Love should feel good. There is a peaceful quality to an authentic experience of love that penetrates to our core, touching a part of ourselves that has always been there. True love activates this inner being, filling us with warmth and light. An authentic experience of love does not ask us to look a certain way, drive a certain car, or have a certain job. It takes us as we are, no changes required. When people truly love us, their love for us awakens our love for ourselves. They remind us that what we seek outside of ourselves is a mirror image of the lover within. In this way, true love never makes us feel needy or lacking or anxious. Instead, true love empowers us with its implicit message that we are, always have been, and always will be, made of love.

Overwhelmed

Slowly

Curling

Inside

Of

Myself

To

Find

My

Place

Of

Calm

Tap

That

Source

Of

Energy

Renewing

My

Sense

Of

Direction

Parents - Asian

Amy Chua is a Wimp

Speaking my Mind

Today marks an important day.

Today, I finally understand what it means to be "beyond my parents."

Today, I accepted and asserted that I am an adult.

True, I have been making such gestures the last few months. Today, however, I felt empowered.

There was very little thought involved. I just went with my instinct. The words that flowed from me were already known to me - they didn't need to be crafted, or reviewed, or (given this site's name) contemplated prior to the actual conversation. I trusted that I was articulating my thoughts, feelings & sentiments for no reason other than it being the truth - the truth that needed to be said. It was no longer about being heard, or finding a voice, or even for there to be changes. I did it simply because I wanted to do it.

Insight into a Whirlwind

Patience is what is required of me, for me, to me. [Why?]

I can get lost in a whirlwind of the mind & heart. [Why?]

For so long, my voice has gone unheard that even I, sometimes, don't recognize it. Many voices have long come to fill that void. Sometimes, those voices resonate with mine, and sometimes, they are dissonant to mine. Yet, until recently, those voices felt louder than my own.

Recently, however, I have learned to be quiet and stay silently still - enough so that I can hear my own voice. It's a quirky voice - my own - with its own brand of dry humor.

Yet, every so often, it submerges - lost again amongst the many voices. But, my voice it grows strong - every day, a little louder & a little surer. Now, it seeks to be heard. It is just finding the words - so easy to pen (or type), not so easy to give sound. For those words give this voice shape - it makes it present. [Why?]

It is my voice. It is me. And with patience, I will come to be.

DISS-ER-TA-TION

How To Write a Ph.D. Dissertation (for some laughs - only because its tragically comic)

A conversation with a good friend, ES, revealed that those of us who embark on a dissertation and find ourselves soon disinterested in an academic career are all in the same boat - feeling the pressure of completing a task that we know we are capable of accomplishing, yet unmotivated to its outcome. The only outcome being our eventual liberty!

On a daily basis, she pursues the task at hand hoping to make a little more progress from where she ended the day before. And every day, she ends realizing that is still work to be done. Eventually, we both take respite in the knowledge that the day will come when we will look at our task at end and deem it complete. The only hurdle after that would be the oral defense.

I am exhausted looking at the written material - the literature that discusses it, the drafts I have written, the feedback and comment from advisers and peers. The topic did not really interest me, and it holds my interest even less today. The ability to sit in front of the computer and find the words to elucidate my thoughts on the matter do not come easy - why? - there are no thoughts being formed in my mind for words to carry onto the page. Yet, I continue to persevere. The end is near I tell myself as ES repeats to herself that her life will begin after this arduous demand she and I have both placed upon ourselves.

Yet, life is happening all around us as we hunch over our computers, rifle through endless stacks of papers, and thumb through pages of books. We find ourselves becoming depressed, cursing ourselves under our breath, and taking our irritation out on the closest person(s) to us. All of these actions we find regrettable when our momentary lapse in judgment returns to us.

Then a moment's glimmer. A hot shower, an ice-cream, a fond conversation ... returns us to the life around us. And for a moment, we forget. We forget the bane of our existence that bears its weight upon our shoulders, and for a moment, we breathe. Yet, it is only a moment's respite. Over time, I have learned to balance the two - the knowledge that I will soon be done with my requirement and fulfill my obligation to the academic community. Yet, there is a life to be led - and I will not stop living it for all that its worth. A dissertation is not life in and of itself.

California Dreamin'

Here's the update folks (all those who are reading this blog....)

I've been accepted to an internship program at the University of California - Yes, I am going to California.

It's funny how all these things come to be...

(1) For 2 years now, I have been repeatedly told that I would feel more comfortable given my personality out in the West Coast - preferably anywhere between the borders of Washington state with Canada to Northern California (where I will be)

(2) Recently, as my loved ones and friends know, I have been considering a change in my career direction - I was considering the idea of creating programs that would be beneficial to the well-being of others, rather than simply practice counseling alone. A requirement of this internship program, as their designated behavioral health intern, is that I liaise with university and hospital staff to create "health and wellness" programs for the faculty, staff and students of the University.

(3) In answer to my meditation teacher's surprise when I informed him that I did not consider my mindfulness practice as a component in my search of appropriate internship programs (since he recognizes the benefit my practice has on me, and as he tells me, my ability to share my gains with others), this internship program has, as part of its curricular, that I engage in a mindfulness practice and share it in counseling faculty, staff and students at the University. Thus, my meditation teacher is delighted. In his words, "it's funny how the universe has a way of working things out"

(4) And the burden of making a decision about internship, etc., has been lifted. The truth of the matter is - it is 1 year. And, once this 1 year is accomplished (August 1 2011 - July 30 2012), the next chapter of my life will begin.

Yet, the most important thing I have learned this past month.... is the experience of LOVE truly.

Where I always understood the saying ,"friend in need is a friend indeed," I now can appreciate the saying "in order to feel love, we must allow ourselves to feel pain, and still know what it means to feel safe."

It has been an emotional roller-coaster of a month, but today, I smile. I hung on. I am here. I am happy.



The Runaways - How Can I Resist?!