Anger - A Peace Treaty (Thich Nhat Hanh)

When I am angry, I agree to:

1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.
2. Not suppress my anger.
3. Practice mindful breathing and go back to myself to take care of my anger.
4. Calmly, within twenty-four hours, tell you about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by delivering a Peace Note.
5. Ask for an appointment later in the week, like Friday evening, either verbally or by note, to discuss this matter more thoroughly.
6. Not say: 'I am not angry, it's okay, I am not suffering. There is nothing to be angry about.'
7. Look deeply into my daily life, while sitting, walking, lying down, working, etc. in order to see:
The ways that I myself, have been unskillful at times.
How I have hurt you because of my own habit energy.
How the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger.
How you are only the secondary cause.
How you are only seeking relief from your suffering.
That as long as you are unhappy, I cannot be truly happy.
8. Apologize immediately, without waiting for the Friday appointment, as soon as I recognize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness.
9. Postpone the Friday meeting if I do not feel calm enough to meet with you.

When you are angry, I agree to:

1. Respect your feelings, and not ridicule you and allow enough time for you to calm down.
2. Not press for an immediate discussion.
3. Confirm your request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure you that I will be there.
4. If I can apologize, do so right away and not wait until Friday evening.
5. Practice mindful breathing and deep looking to see how:
I have seeds of anger and unkindness as well as the habit energy, which make you unhappy.
I have mistakenly thought that making you suffer would relieve my own suffering.
By making you suffer, I make myself suffer.
6. Apologize as soon as I realize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself and without waiting for the Friday meeting.

Thank you Safron - You are a phoenix.

K.