Communication Skills

Website on Inter-Cultural Communication

1. Beware of making assumptions about people based on physical characteristics: race, ethnicity, age, ability, gender, etc. (That can’t be reiterated enough!)

Beware of making assumptions PERIOD. There is never a reason to assume - it can only lead us down a path that makes an "ass" of both "u" and "me" - no joke.

2. Do good research in advance, but do not take ‘country guides’ as being the final word. Individual preferences vary and will trump any group customs, but might be helpful to know that the clock you about to give as a gift to your Chinese host might imply death.

What entails good research? - it means ASK and LEARN. If you are unsure or unclear, put yourself in the position that demonstrates a willingness to understand; nobody that I know is ever put off by a humble request from a person who wants only to know better - such inquiries are more a demonstration of respect, and who doesn't like to feel they are being respected.

3. Welcome feedback as a gift. Thanking someone for his or her suggestions is a great way to solicit ‘insider’ knowledge. Once you say thanks for the insight, he or she may be willing to share more. When a business deal is at stake that could be just the ticket to your success.

Again, does it take much to humble oneself? - only if EGO and PRIDE get in the way - but as it has been eloquently said before, "it never hurts to learn more."

4. Embrace your own identity and use that as a platform to communicate with others. (I statements instead of you statements—as in “that’s so interesting, I do it this way, how do you do it?

Embrace your own identity. Embrace yourself. Respect and love yourself - there is something about you worth sharing - that opens the other person to see that they are being respected and loved for who they are, and that opens them to share of themselves.

I admit, personally, this sometimes is hard for me especially with issues closer to the heart. However, I know there is beauty that lies within that. I may not explicitly demonstrate knowledge of that truth, but I do know it.

5. Asks questions to understand what motivates others.

Learn what makes a person tick - again, it shows that you are interested in that person for who that person is, and who doesn't want to share when they been given the space to express themselves.

6. Be open to learning, and learn to teach without being judgmental or making the learner feel embarrassed. Remember Emerson (sic) Everyone is my master because I can learn something from everyone.

Be OPEN. Often time, this is a phenomenon much easier said then done. Yet, there is hope. All it requires is practice - facing the fear that finds itself accompanying one's effort to be open. Practice makes perfect - openness too can be a virtue of yours.

7. Be an Anthropologist. Ethnographers or Participant Observers are keen to watch the interactions of others closely when approaching new communities or situations. How are items being used? How do people greet one another? It’s a chance to really listen with your whole being. Think “don’t drink the water in the finger bowl.”

Sometimes, saying less is saying more. Taking the time to sit back, observe, listen and compile your understanding of people and situations provides us with a sense of how we are different as well as how we are alike (and, we are more alike than we like to believe... just don't get bogged down by the details).

8. Be sure to try new things, particularly foods when in another country. But, allow a little latitude when ordering food in restaurants, as in, you may understand the word for lasagna, but it may not be served as you expected…enjoy-seeing how similar concepts are enacted in different countries is part of the fun. (on the flip side, ff you have allergies or things that don’t allow latitude, like a peanut allergy, bring a dictionary to know key words.)

Be ADVENTUROUS.

9. Be patient with yourself and others. Anger, unease, defensiveness, etc. may come with the territory. Just remember, that moment of discomfort is usually when you are at the cusp of learning! Kind of like in weight lifting—the moment the weight is too much and the muscle fails, is the moment the muscle gets stronger.

Prepare yourself to face resistance within yourself - often fueled by fear - learn to recognize it when it arises, and learn how to tame it so that you do not lose the big picture for the small details. Fear, like any other emotion, is transient.

10. Be brave but safe, confident but humble…don’t be afraid to simply open the dictionary to the right page and just show it to the person with whom you are speaking; learn where the street signs are-sometimes they are on the corner, sometimes on the side of the building, sometimes on the sidewalk. If you go out alone, bring a piece of paper with the phone number and address where you are staying.

Straddle the extremes... balance comes when you find the middle-ground - and that balance will provide you the ability to simply be yourself while reaching yourself out to become something quite other and still you.

In my opinion,

Communication require a few key components - Courage, Patience, Curiosity, Sincerity.

To be courageous is to put yourself out into situations you may not necessarily find comfortable, to face the fears that arise and pursue those situations regardless.

To be patience is to appreciate the difficulties that may arise for you and/or the other person, and understand that time is a true guide. Whenever we attempt to rush, we end up getting no where.

To be curious is to seek to learn, to ask, to push our horizons simply because we can. A childlike wonder only makes it more fun.

To be sincere (or genuine or authentic) is to be open and honest with both ourselves and the other person, and to respect the other person without cause for judgment or persecution.

I continue to ponder... and changes may or may not be made - but comments as always are welcomed :o)