"Compassion accepts others as they are. One who thoroughly realizes compassion no longer sees any separation between self and others. Compassion is the wholesome and spontaneous response to all situations."
- Tarthang Tulku
(1) Accepting others as they are.
Even if...
Their thoughts, emotions, or actions "affect" you.
It does not matter to me if you share a difference in your ideas/beliefs/convictions about how to think, emote or act from me - that is much easier than when your difference personally affects me - yet, it is those moments when such differences take on a personal tone that I have to remind myself to accept you as you are... while acknowledging the reasons for their affect on me
(2) No longer see separation between self and others.
Even if...
Their presence causes you to "recoil"
It is easy when your presence appears symbiotic to mine - it is not as easy when it appears that we wish to push away from each other - yet, it is those moments that I have to remind myself that you are like me at heart, and that we are one and same - your actions speak to my actions, and vice versa (your emotions result from my emotions and bring about my emotions that cause your emotions... this idea explained in many different ways - speaks to the inter-dependant nature of things). Compassion allows to see this connection between you and I.
(3) A wholesome and spontaneous response
Even if...
Other emotions are present that call for another response.
Compassion for both myself and you - is easy when other emotions are not present asking to be expressed in responses that appear non-compassionate. Compassion is strong.
These words are easily spoken. But hard to follow, hard to envision and therefore embody.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Anger - A Peace Treaty (Thich Nhat Hanh)
When I am angry, I agree to:
1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.
2. Not suppress my anger.
3. Practice mindful breathing and go back to myself to take care of my anger.
4. Calmly, within twenty-four hours, tell you about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by delivering a Peace Note.
5. Ask for an appointment later in the week, like Friday evening, either verbally or by note, to discuss this matter more thoroughly.
6. Not say: 'I am not angry, it's okay, I am not suffering. There is nothing to be angry about.'
7. Look deeply into my daily life, while sitting, walking, lying down, working, etc. in order to see:
The ways that I myself, have been unskillful at times.
How I have hurt you because of my own habit energy.
How the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger.
How you are only the secondary cause.
How you are only seeking relief from your suffering.
That as long as you are unhappy, I cannot be truly happy.
8. Apologize immediately, without waiting for the Friday appointment, as soon as I recognize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness.
9. Postpone the Friday meeting if I do not feel calm enough to meet with you.
When you are angry, I agree to:
1. Respect your feelings, and not ridicule you and allow enough time for you to calm down.
2. Not press for an immediate discussion.
3. Confirm your request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure you that I will be there.
4. If I can apologize, do so right away and not wait until Friday evening.
5. Practice mindful breathing and deep looking to see how:
I have seeds of anger and unkindness as well as the habit energy, which make you unhappy.
I have mistakenly thought that making you suffer would relieve my own suffering.
By making you suffer, I make myself suffer.
6. Apologize as soon as I realize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself and without waiting for the Friday meeting.
Thank you Safron - You are a phoenix.
K.
1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.
2. Not suppress my anger.
3. Practice mindful breathing and go back to myself to take care of my anger.
4. Calmly, within twenty-four hours, tell you about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by delivering a Peace Note.
5. Ask for an appointment later in the week, like Friday evening, either verbally or by note, to discuss this matter more thoroughly.
6. Not say: 'I am not angry, it's okay, I am not suffering. There is nothing to be angry about.'
7. Look deeply into my daily life, while sitting, walking, lying down, working, etc. in order to see:
The ways that I myself, have been unskillful at times.
How I have hurt you because of my own habit energy.
How the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger.
How you are only the secondary cause.
How you are only seeking relief from your suffering.
That as long as you are unhappy, I cannot be truly happy.
8. Apologize immediately, without waiting for the Friday appointment, as soon as I recognize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness.
9. Postpone the Friday meeting if I do not feel calm enough to meet with you.
When you are angry, I agree to:
1. Respect your feelings, and not ridicule you and allow enough time for you to calm down.
2. Not press for an immediate discussion.
3. Confirm your request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure you that I will be there.
4. If I can apologize, do so right away and not wait until Friday evening.
5. Practice mindful breathing and deep looking to see how:
I have seeds of anger and unkindness as well as the habit energy, which make you unhappy.
I have mistakenly thought that making you suffer would relieve my own suffering.
By making you suffer, I make myself suffer.
6. Apologize as soon as I realize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself and without waiting for the Friday meeting.
Thank you Safron - You are a phoenix.
K.
Mindfulness Meditation - Facing the Truth
Mindfulness meditation. It is advertised as one path to bliss.
On the outset, it is described as training the mind's attentive ability for the experience of that moment(e.g., conversation, environment, etc.). Those who take a mindfulness-based stress management course (usually lasts 6-8 weeks) hope to learn skills to more effectively manage their anxiety and reduce their frustrations with stressors. During those weeks, participants practice attending to the moment. With continue practice, they learn to attend to their actions that enables an awareness of the emotions and thoughts that guide these actions. They learn how these emotions and thoughts can be transitory, and subsequently realize they they have the ability to choose to consciously (not) act from them as oppose to being on "auto-pilot." Most people who stay through the program, and fulfill their commitments towards a daily practice of mindfulness meditation, often leave with a renewed sense for life.
However, mindfulness meditation is not simply a cure-all. It is a mechanism for confrontation. With continued practice, we begin to attend to deeper levels of our being - older emotions and more primordial thoughts - all buried from a time we may have long forgotten (or are choosing to not remember). Soon, we enter a cycle - a cycle of confrontation.
My first battle was to dispel the belief that I cannot tolerate my emotions, which felt (and still does) very intense and visceral. I realize my fear was not only that I could not tolerate my emotions, but that I will "fall apart," and that will alienate me from others. My fear of being alone did not allow me to accept my experience of my emotions as they were known to me - so I had become disconnected to myself and felt so very lost. Mindfulness meditation made me confront this fear(s) - it required that I tolerate the emotions, and come to observe its need to flow through me for it to reveal its transient nature. I walked out that battle knowing that my emotions are me, and that while I am discomforted by the intensity, I cannot deny them.
My second battle was to dispel the notion that I am "bad." An incident with a friend triggered me to "shut down" - an instinctive and protective mechanism by which I withdraw into myself and tend to my emotional and mental wounds. My friend did not know what to make of my response, and had to wait the few hours for me to eventually reveal what had happened. However, the practice of mindfulness meditation made me realize that I had to attend to this idea - to see it for what it is, and not what I have made it out to be. Viscerally, I could feel the fear and pain coursing through me. I knew I had to attend to it, and comfort myself through the process. I also learned that it is not for wanting people to help me, but that the only help they can truly offer is support - a presence. A presence with space. I walked out of that battle recognizing that no one has the ability to make me "bad" - only I hold that key. With time, I confronted the varied expectations I had placed on myself, and only asked that I take myself as I am - to work with that which is true about me and to simply trust myself.
My third battle was to acknowledge the pain of loneliness, and discard the armor (i.e. the guard of illusions) I had created to protect myself from that pain. I was angry with myself - angry that I had operated under this false notion that I was an "open" person only to realize that I was not for fear of being alone. Something deep within me provided comfort and asked that I accept solitude. My mind created an image of this armor. During meditation, I visualized taking it off leaving my skin raw and bare - acknowledging the pain of loss of something "known." It is difficult to explain what took its place, but for days after, I was gelatinous inside. I walked away from that battle coming to terms with my delicate nature, and embracing it as me.
Now, today as I write this, I am on my fourth battle. I have learned from the last three experiences - resistance is futile. It only makes it more painful. So when my heart sank in-wards, I knew I had to prepare to face my next truth. Many hours of sitting and attending to my sitting resulted in one revelation - I am angry. Years of anger and resentment are boiling up in me. But as quickly as the truth of my pain was revealed, the balm to alleviate it surfaced. Compassion and Forgiveness. Now, I sit facing the many sources of my anger - person, place, moment in time - and I practice offering compassion and forgiveness both to that source and myself. Anger is a part of me, but now I need to let go of it in a sincere and meaningful way.
As my teacher tells me, this will not end. It is a cycle - once you are on this path, either you see it all the way to its end or you accept you need to jump of it. I may say that I wish I did not practice, but that would be a lie. The gift at the end of each battle, I am closer to myself. I come to know myself in a more honest way, and accepting myself as I am truly gives me peace. So, I choose this journey with full knowledge that I will encounter this time and time again. However, I am beginning to appreciate that I will only grow stronger with each encounter.
On the outset, it is described as training the mind's attentive ability for the experience of that moment(e.g., conversation, environment, etc.). Those who take a mindfulness-based stress management course (usually lasts 6-8 weeks) hope to learn skills to more effectively manage their anxiety and reduce their frustrations with stressors. During those weeks, participants practice attending to the moment. With continue practice, they learn to attend to their actions that enables an awareness of the emotions and thoughts that guide these actions. They learn how these emotions and thoughts can be transitory, and subsequently realize they they have the ability to choose to consciously (not) act from them as oppose to being on "auto-pilot." Most people who stay through the program, and fulfill their commitments towards a daily practice of mindfulness meditation, often leave with a renewed sense for life.
However, mindfulness meditation is not simply a cure-all. It is a mechanism for confrontation. With continued practice, we begin to attend to deeper levels of our being - older emotions and more primordial thoughts - all buried from a time we may have long forgotten (or are choosing to not remember). Soon, we enter a cycle - a cycle of confrontation.
My first battle was to dispel the belief that I cannot tolerate my emotions, which felt (and still does) very intense and visceral. I realize my fear was not only that I could not tolerate my emotions, but that I will "fall apart," and that will alienate me from others. My fear of being alone did not allow me to accept my experience of my emotions as they were known to me - so I had become disconnected to myself and felt so very lost. Mindfulness meditation made me confront this fear(s) - it required that I tolerate the emotions, and come to observe its need to flow through me for it to reveal its transient nature. I walked out that battle knowing that my emotions are me, and that while I am discomforted by the intensity, I cannot deny them.
My second battle was to dispel the notion that I am "bad." An incident with a friend triggered me to "shut down" - an instinctive and protective mechanism by which I withdraw into myself and tend to my emotional and mental wounds. My friend did not know what to make of my response, and had to wait the few hours for me to eventually reveal what had happened. However, the practice of mindfulness meditation made me realize that I had to attend to this idea - to see it for what it is, and not what I have made it out to be. Viscerally, I could feel the fear and pain coursing through me. I knew I had to attend to it, and comfort myself through the process. I also learned that it is not for wanting people to help me, but that the only help they can truly offer is support - a presence. A presence with space. I walked out of that battle recognizing that no one has the ability to make me "bad" - only I hold that key. With time, I confronted the varied expectations I had placed on myself, and only asked that I take myself as I am - to work with that which is true about me and to simply trust myself.
My third battle was to acknowledge the pain of loneliness, and discard the armor (i.e. the guard of illusions) I had created to protect myself from that pain. I was angry with myself - angry that I had operated under this false notion that I was an "open" person only to realize that I was not for fear of being alone. Something deep within me provided comfort and asked that I accept solitude. My mind created an image of this armor. During meditation, I visualized taking it off leaving my skin raw and bare - acknowledging the pain of loss of something "known." It is difficult to explain what took its place, but for days after, I was gelatinous inside. I walked away from that battle coming to terms with my delicate nature, and embracing it as me.
Now, today as I write this, I am on my fourth battle. I have learned from the last three experiences - resistance is futile. It only makes it more painful. So when my heart sank in-wards, I knew I had to prepare to face my next truth. Many hours of sitting and attending to my sitting resulted in one revelation - I am angry. Years of anger and resentment are boiling up in me. But as quickly as the truth of my pain was revealed, the balm to alleviate it surfaced. Compassion and Forgiveness. Now, I sit facing the many sources of my anger - person, place, moment in time - and I practice offering compassion and forgiveness both to that source and myself. Anger is a part of me, but now I need to let go of it in a sincere and meaningful way.
As my teacher tells me, this will not end. It is a cycle - once you are on this path, either you see it all the way to its end or you accept you need to jump of it. I may say that I wish I did not practice, but that would be a lie. The gift at the end of each battle, I am closer to myself. I come to know myself in a more honest way, and accepting myself as I am truly gives me peace. So, I choose this journey with full knowledge that I will encounter this time and time again. However, I am beginning to appreciate that I will only grow stronger with each encounter.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Risks
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach for another is to risk involvement
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To believe is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom
Only a person who risks is free...
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach for another is to risk involvement
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To believe is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom
Only a person who risks is free...
Reaching Out
All you need to do is reach out.
Talk to me, and I will listen to what you have to say
Look to me, and I will see you for who you are
Reach out to me, and I will hold on to you
Because,
I am right here.
K.
Talk to me, and I will listen to what you have to say
Look to me, and I will see you for who you are
Reach out to me, and I will hold on to you
Because,
I am right here.
K.
Personas
To reach a more authentic way of being (for ourselves),
we need to shed ourselves of our persona(s).
To allow ourselves to be seen for who we are,
we must need to see ourselves as we are.
This is not a call for attention, it not even a demonstration.
This is simply a request to be comfortable - in our own skin.
we need to shed ourselves of our persona(s).
To allow ourselves to be seen for who we are,
we must need to see ourselves as we are.
This is not a call for attention, it not even a demonstration.
This is simply a request to be comfortable - in our own skin.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Innie or Outie
So, I don't know what troubles me more...
That I know about this, or that I thought it was common enough info that everyone knew about it.
http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/2009/08/05/innie-or-outie-a-vagina-debate-nsfw/
That I know about this, or that I thought it was common enough info that everyone knew about it.
http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/2009/08/05/innie-or-outie-a-vagina-debate-nsfw/
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