Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way... that is not easy. - Aristotle-
I know the feeling of anger only too well. I know how it feels in my body. I know how it makes me think. I know how it makes me consider the world around me. I know how it can take over any sense in myself. I say harsh words. I do harsh things. Even to the people I care the most deeply about, I am left watching the hurt erupt in their eyes only to feel very guilty after (guilt being anger driven inward, naturally).
So, while I am able to acknowledge that I feel angry, I have also learned that I do not need to react from that angry place. And while it is important, at times, for me to communicate my anger, I rather do so in a manner that is constructive and will do the least amount of damage of which I believe I am capable. Please understand what it is I am saying. One should take the moment to evaluate a situation such that one can find oneself in a position not to feel angry - for example, be compassionate towards the one who is causing you to be angry and try to understand where he or she is coming from such that you feel not anger but a sense of empathy for that person. I also try my best to pay attention to the reason why I may have angered the person, and do my best to validate those emotions and acknowledge my mistake if there was any - in other words, I am practicing not becoming defensive (another reaction where anger can quickly rise within me).
However, when one does feel angry, one needs to acknowledge it. For me, it depends on the level of anger that I experience. When my anger is still something I can communicate in a healthy manner (i.e. with kind and patient words), I do so and try my best to explain rationally what I believe to be the source of that anger I am aware that I experience within me. However, when I find that my body is becoming overwhelmed with anger, I immediately excuse myself out of the situation and stay patient so as not to say or do anything I may later regret (e.g., hurt the other person verbally usually). Then, I take the time to sit with it and evaluate it. Once I am calm from the anger, I will address it as and when I find it necessary.
1. Admit you are angry to yourself. (You do not have to admit it to anyone else, just yourself)
2. Examine what it is that makes your angry (Note: It is within your mind, within you)
- Anger challenges us to look deeply within ourselves; to learn our fears and buttons
- Most anger is self-defensive
3. Do not hang onto the anger
4. Let go of anger with patience - patience for yourself and the other person
5. Don't feed the anger
“When you express your anger you think that you are getting anger out of your system, but that's not true,” he said. “When you express your anger, either verbally or with physical violence, you are feeding the seed of anger, and it becomes stronger in you.” Only understanding and compassion can neutralize anger. - Thich Nhat Hanh -
6. Compassion takes courage.
- Sometimes we confuse aggression with strength and non-action with weakness
- Giving in to the impulses of anger, allowing anger to hook us and jerk us around, is weakness. - On the other hand, it takes strength to acknowledge the fear and selfishness in which our anger usually is rooted. It also takes discipline to meditate in the flames of anger.
“Conquer anger by non-anger. Conquer evil by good. Conquer miserliness by liberality. Conquer a liar by truthfulness.” (Dhammapada, v. 233)" - Buddha-
love what Buddha said =)
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