Temperament, Personality & Family

Oh baby baby it's a wild world,

it's hard to get by just upon a smile.

Oh baby baby it's a wild world.

I'll always remember you like a child, girl.

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do,

and it's breaking my heart in two,

cause I never want to see you sad girl,

don't be a bad girl,

but if you want to leave take good care,

hope you make a lot of nice friends out there,

but just remember there's a lot of bad and beware,beware,

- Wild World; Cat Stevens-

Another day, another reflection in the mirror. This time I understood my personality just a little better as I listened to someone explain to me her sense of independence, diplomacy and desire to be non-confrontational.

She grew up in a household known for its conflict. Before she knew it, she was playing "family diplomat" managing disagreements between her parents, her parents with her siblings, and her siblings. Busy trying to placate everyone's needs, and keeping the calm in the house, her voice was (from her perspective - and, therefore mine) the least heard. Another facet she developed was the ability to practice being non-judgmental. She very quickly learned she had to fend for herself, and that if there was one person to rely on, it would probably be herself. Now, it's very hard for her to ask for assistance. She will persevere to get things done the best way she knows how - her way, and only when she is aware that she can no longer do it on her own does she seek assistance, which she does only of people she trust. That list is not very long.

I spoke with my mother yesteday, and we reminisced about my childhood - how I was a good and friendly child. She mused about how I was never shy and I would always go to the assist of other children in the class when I was done with my work much to chagrin of my teachers who rather I just stayed put. It was not until after the age of 9 that I became a little more sullen and withdrawn, qualities my mother attributes to a teacher who taught me the next 4 years. According to my mother, this teacher made it a point to "teach me a lesson" about being a "good student."

Thus, I rebelled early as a child (aged 9) and very quickly lost interest in my education. Suddenly, life was about being on the streets where you learn quickly that you only had oneself to rely on and your success was dependent on your ability to make the right friends. I developed a quick sense on who to trust and who was real - I also quickly developed a distaste for people who were rather pretentious. Social norms were not for me and I operated on the principle of complete honesty. Starting at age 9, it takes awhile to realize that certain actions do not lend themselves to making friends and straight-forward honesty is definitely one of them especially when it comes in the form of cut and dry humour (most people know it by the term sarcasm).

Yet, I still managed to make friends - most of them outcastes in one shape or another. And it were these friends that demonstrated to me the most important quality of all - acceptance. Over time and with patience, I came to see we are all alike - we are all good at heart. We all had the same needs - the primary being to be understood and accepted simply for who we were as people. I learned that the best way to see this was simply by listening, and as I listened more, I came to understand that my rebellion was a farce (definition: foolish show; mockery; a ridiculous sham). All I wanted was to be heard, supported, understood and loved. And assuming I was not, I made it out that I was a tough cookie - a rebel (without a cause).