Single. Again.
Yet, this time it is different. I learned a few things this time around - a few things that I am proud to have learned or discovered.
- I am a real person. I genuinely am interested in and care for other people, and that's where most of my troubles starts actually - I do it at the expense of caring for myself (at times). I am not interested in what they may think of me, nor do I do it so that will "like" me. I just want to be there for being there - simply because I am happy to be there for someone else. Yes, it may be because I know the pain of not knowing someone be there for me. Yet, knowing that pain has provided me with an insight that others suffer too; if I am capable of providing them with any form of assistance in alleviating their own suffering, then I would like to know that I am able to do it.
- I am a real person. I have come to learn that being real for myself does not mean I have to make it necessarily known to the next person. I simply have to be myself and allow the other person time to come and see it for themselves. It is not my intention to make people perceive me one way or another. It's more important for me to just be comfortable with myself and accept that I have no control over the perceptions of the other. As long as I am happy with my choices and the results of the decisions I make, it does not matter necessarily what another person thinks about them. This is especially true when that person's opinion does not sit well with me. What needs to sit well for me? I need to know that my thoughts and actions are in synchrony without detriment to another individual's feelings, etc.
- I am a real person. I have qualities that can be seen as either strengths or weaknesses. As my friend, ES, put it eloquently, "Any quality of an individual can be seen as one side of a coin - a strength or a weakness." One of my strengths (or weakness - you, the reader, can judge as you will) is my tolerance and my patience when it comes to expressing strong, negative emotion. I use to be a rather emotionally labile and reactive person, and it has taken me a great deal of time and energy to become a more calm and level-headed person. I take great pride in my ability to sit with negative emotions, allowing them to pass and communicating them in a more clear, direct manner without a need to hurt the other person's feelings.
***
To add... there are certain things I need to review about myself and ask how better to handle in the future.
How do I better communicate my irritation, hurt, and anger without eliciting those emotions necessarily from the other person? I recognize that in this situation I may not have necessarily communicated it because I saw no need for reacting as I realize the impetus for the person's actions. Yet, I am aware that intimacy calls for me being able to admit when someone is hurting me even if it is truth(s) that might hurt the other person.
I need to appreciate that taking space and requesting for space does NOT mean that I am incapable of intimacy or that I am "disappearing" from the relationship. It simply means that I am entitled to allow myself to heal from my experience of negative emotions without allowing myself to hurt the other person - someone whom I care for enough not to want to continue the cycle of hurt.
[perhaps more to come... who knows *shrugs*]
I have always felt communication should be direct. Yes, there are ways to phrase certain things so you don't appear to be hurtful, but getting a point across should be the most important thing you can do. A friend (or more) who is a friend should be able to understand that you are not trying to be hurtful with whatever comment you are making to them. If they do, there are other issues to be addressed.
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