[post dated October 06, 2008]
Fearful-avoidant attachment
People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others." People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don't trust the intentions of their partners. Similarly to the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and hide their feelings.
TODAY... I met the following criteria:
Secure Attachment Profile
Based upon your quiz answers, you appear to have a secure attachment style. People with secure attachments tend to feel comfortable with themselves and their relationships. Securely attached individuals tend to have happier, long-lasting relationships. You feel comfotable sharing your feelings with your partner and are able to turn to your partner for support.
You have described yourself as securely attached. This means that you are likely to have happier relationships and be better able to sustain commitments than people who have an insecure attachment style.You are likely to have more positive emotional experiences and to be more happy and outgoing in interpersonal relationships. You will be more likely to express what you really feel. You are more likely to be able to depend on others when it is appropriate, and yet able to function autonomously in your own sphere when that is appropriate. You are also more likely to raise children who themselves will have a secure attachment style.
***
Now, if I can just take it in and demonstrate to myself that it is possible for me to have a relationship as a securely attached individual.
"At this stage of your development in romantic relationships, you tend to be pretty evenly balanced in your attachment style. You are not significantly more anxious about them, nor significantly avoiding intimacy or emotional closeness in relationships. This is a healthy balance, but it also may mean that it is more difficult for you to find someone else who has achieved this same healthy balance! Most people tend to either have greater anxiety or greater avoidance in relationships. You'd probably be most comfortable and at ease in a relationship where your partner is also fairly balanced in their romantic attachment approach. So congratulate yourself!! You're a part of a well-balanced breed when it comes to your romantic attachment style. "
[Postscript: Thought this was an interesting statement about relationships... don't know if this is the appropriate blogpost for it...
Arendt’s and Heidegger’s love was a mirror. Their own intellectual genius reflected back at them. They could each have been Narcissus and the lake water respectively. But what is striking is that love transcended political unrest and religious and ethnic differences. They loved each other as they would love themselves. Considering the dark moments of twentieth century European history, this does not appear to be a profane love but rather a love that exceeds mere tolerance and reaches the sacred heights. Their letters reflect a long history of adoration. ]
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