Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear

My friend ES shared this New York Times article with me:

Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear

Upon reading the article, I found strength. Reviewing some of the readers' comments that the editors' selected to share with others, I found some that only bolstered the strength:

Absolutely brilliant. I can't help thinking of how many marriages fail because we fail to recognize the pain in our partners, take things on our shoulders because of our own misguided archetecture, make our own egos punish us as a result of our own inflexibility. I've heard this story before, from another woman whose's husband went similiarly nuts after a trauma. How she maintained her balance, and it wasn't easy, was a lesson to those that knew the couple and he eventually came back, grateful to have a son and a wife who were still there. There are lots of ways to commit suicide, most just leave a shell rather than a grave. Kudos to Laura for seeing so well into her husband's soul. A lot of us men reach his point in life and are not so lucky as he to have a woman like her. I've been lucky, and this article has helped me to see just how lucky I have been. -Pomeister-

This is a fabulous piece. I wonder how many marriages could have been saved if the wife was (1) wise enough to recognized that it wasn't about her (2) strong enough to stand her ground (3) patient enough to rise above his deliberate attempts to hurt and push her away.
None of these things are easy. It usually takes a long time and the perspective of distance to be that objective about someone you love and would hate to lose. We are usually most vulnerable to those we love, and they know better than anyone else what will hurt us the most. And when we are not the problem, abusing us does not resolve anything for them, it usually makes them feel worse. Bravo to you for giving him 'distance' and being straight up about it. This was truly amazing grace. -Right and Relevant-

I too have been feeling scared and stuck (and i'm only 26!) and thinking if only I could run away to another country where no one knows me and build a life from scratch, but this time refuse to compromise and fight hard for what I want. However, little by little I am realizing that no matter where I am and with whom, if I can not learn to be happy then I never will be. The grass can always be greener on some other side. There could always be a better spouse out there, or a better job and salary, or a better apartment. Eventually, we must be happy with our achievements and realize how many people have it much worse.-n.h.-

[Comments at a later time/date]